Prisoner ov My Mind

Sick and tired ov trying,
Done with all this fake smiling.
I can't pretend anymore,
I can't live this way forevermore.
I've already lost it all,
So it won't make a difference if I fall.
Countless times I've tried,
But once again I have lied.
I've been knocked down for the last time.
In my head I hear the bells chime.
Telling me that it's all over now.
Redemption is something they will not allow.
I'm confused about who I am inside.
The person I used to be has died.
I used to be so strong,
Something I thought I would be all along.
But as time passes I've realized,
That no one ever heard my silent cries.
I'm giving up the fight,
Tired ov trying desperately to find the light.
I've been beaten so as to learn my lesson,
Making me surrender to this depression.
I've been punished so many times before,
That I've lost sight ov all I adore.
My willpower has been crushed.
My heart feels as though it will bust,
From all this agonizing pain,
Ov knowing that I'm too scared to get back up and fight again.
Please don't hurt me,
I'll try to be what you wanted me to be.
I'll never stray again.
Never again will I try to find a friend.
I tried to hid who I really was,
From everyone I met because,
I didn't want to burden them with my pain.
I knew from that there'd be nothing to gain.
I soon began to trust,
Slowly chipping off the layers ov rust,
And polishing my tarnished heart,
Only to have it once again be torn apart.
For every time I reveal who I really am,
They run away - they don't understand.
So in the end I guess I will be what I will be.
No loyal friend was ever there for me.
They all turned their backs as soon as I revealed,
The true part ov me I'd always kept concealed.
I'm a prisoner inside my own mind.
I'm the only one ov my kind.
I'm afraid ov the light,
Because it's too bright.
It's blinding me,
Instead ov helping me see.
Will I ever find someone who will stay by my side,
And not disappear with the rising tide?
I'm no more than a prisoner waiting for release,
And for all this pain to finally cease.