a date with myself

i despise people who say they are lonely. i am jealous of them.
how do they do it? i have been searching for a way to be alone
for quite some time. just one full day or even half a moment to
feel that it is only my resonant frequency being picked
up on the line. lonely. sounds like such a luxury. everywhere i
turn there is a vibe there is a lingering there is a grasping
and complete denial of psychological autonomy. we hold each
other captive with what we wish we could feel and in some ways
do; but only through the most passive aggressive experience of
vicariousness through others. what else is a friend these days.
someone to do the things you won't. fill the silences. bridge
the gaps. but all i want is a gap big enough for me and
no one else. selfish. maybe. but i have worked very hard
at being this self-centered. being Whole comes with its dangers.
everyone wants to take the piece from you they think will fill
their hole. but they do not grasp the difference between hole
and Whole. you would fix it if you could. you want to
desperately. but the truth becomes apparent. and now you want
nothing more than to be alone. you are alone. but you are never
alone...and sometimes you wish you could be