How do I unlock this silence you left me in

Your silence was heavy
with all of the things I needed to say,
with full and whole and I was supposed to be a part of you.
I woke up to your promises blistering my wings,
and found myself haloed in feathers
lying weathered on the ground.
Why had I closed my eyes
as you plucked each one from my freedom
and left them in your footprints?

I tried to purge you from my veins,
tried to convince my heart that the clouds
boiling in my lungs weren’t tears,
weren’t watering my oxygen with please please please…
I took step after step after step in your pursuit
and found myself accusing the girl in the mirror
for the wormhole swallowing me.

I tried to fill your pockets with syllables
ones that curled around all the ways I found you in the sky.
But I choked, coughing on the vowels
when your name came out,
it was always black with lies I never wanted to see.
So I sewed my lips closed
It must have been me it must have been me
Itmusthavebeenme
I didn’t know how to release the acid
Burning in my atoms
didn’t think I’d earned the right.
So I wrote screams instead.
I opened the vessels of my fingertips,
dripped my identity into lines
exposed all the breaks in my soul.
I found comfort in blankets of darkness
realized that they made the too bright world
withstand-able.
I saw the stars in its embrace,
Knew I could touch them
When you remained taciturn and belligerent.

The clock has ticked and please… please
and and and and your shadow still taunts.
There are chains on this trust I want
to give away.
I’ve been bound too long,
but I don’t know which stitch
will free these lips.