the rain

i used to be sad when the skies would cry
because i used to think that God and his angels were disappointed in me,
in us
and just like the way bullies benefit from a weaklings tears
humans benefit from their tears
later on i didn't care if they were angry
cause i was pissed at them too
i actually liked when they weren't happy
cause they fucked up my life real good
neither one of us was perfect
and that made me feel great

then all i wished was to dance in the rain
no matters of a flu
because in those few moments  
all my pain would fade
and when it would be winter,  
i longed for it again
so i would sit under the shower
and watch the water drip down the drain
 
but when i would be most sad
and when my body would be quaking mad
i would sit under the ice cold shower
(lucky if there was a storm)
the clouds turned into a peculiar form
i sat and tried to forget
all the pain, bruises and neglect
 
when i was young, i was always told
"don't look in the mirror when there is lightning and its dark"
and then i did it once,  
and i saw a spark, it flickered in my eye
and made the room around me tremble
as if the gods were angry
then i went inside the shower
and it washed away my fears
but the water that dropped was not water
it was salty and made me dry
like my tears
 
and that night when i went to sleep
i dreamt of bloody rain, pouring on me
and i embraced the feeling
like a long lost lover
the feeling that went through my body
was better than any shower
 
the very next day, i was so depressed
i was far away from water
but those feelings i could not suppress
so i sat on the concrete floor  
and i just wept.....and wept....
and wept
and the blood that pooled from my eyes
gave me a sense of relief  
it was so beautiful
i could not believe  
and wiping my cheeks  
i started laughing  
finally! i felt happy
that joyous feeling was consuming
 
and that was the day
that was the very day
i started killing