Lost Soul

I would give everything to never think of you again.

I want to lose every memory of you and I clean from my mind like you ridded me of yours, I want to lose every distinguishable thing that reminds me of you, I want to lose every thought of you from my mind like how I lost your number and how I once lost myself.

But it seems that I can only hold onto the things that I want to lose.

I've been thinking of the first day that we met.

When I met you, flowers started blooming in the deepest and darkest parts of my mind. Everything started to have beauty, just because of you.

Everything about me, was.. It was you. Everything that was me, was you.

You slowly started to consume my thoughts day by day. I eventually started noticing parts of you in the way in which that I would speak. I began noticing you more and more in the different things that I decided to try because I wanted to share your interests. Everything that I did, it was in some way because of you.

I couldn't even escape you in my sleep, not that I ever wanted to of course. But every night, I would dream a dream and you always managed to fit in somehow.

I remember having a flashback countless times of something that never happened, but part of me thought that maybe it should have. Maybe if it would have happened, I wouldn't dread the moments that I have to see you, but instead be repulsed by the moments that I don't see you.

So much stuff happened between us, and it's funny because I never wanted to hurt your feelings, but you seemed to never care about mine. Ironic huh?

So many times I just wanted to say that I'm done here, I'm not going to give a fuck anymore. But I never could bring myself to purposely hurt you.

I don't know which was worse, losing you and getting you back or the last time that I lost you and never spoke to you again.

They say that once you lose someone, it's never exactly the same person that comes back.. & that's true. Every time you came back, everything was different.. You were different.

It was the darkest point in my life without you, because once I lost you, everything else fell out of place.

All I ever wanted was for someone to care and ask "are you okay?" So I knew what it felt like to tell someone you'll be alright eventually and them wait for that day with you.

But two things happened in that timespan.. You never came back, and I never learned what that felt like.

Now.. Now were just strangers with some memories. But eventually we won't even be that anymore. Because along with the love that we had, well lose our memories of each other as well.

Almost similar to how I've lost myself.