Deprivation - Annie

“Why did God make me like this?” fourteen year old Annie asked her mother.
The words hung heavy in the silence.
Annie’s mother sobbed gently. “I don’t know baby!” she replied through her tears. She gathered herself and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, summoning all the wisdom she could remember from her daddy’s sermons and her ex-husbands beatings.
“I don’t know what he has planned in his infinite wisdom, but although we don’t like it or understand it, it has to be right or he wouldn’t let it happen.” she stated in a tone that defied anyone to challenge her.
It was a tone Annie had heard thousands of times throughout her life, from her mother, and her father and her grandparents. It was their “sermon” voice.
“I don’t care what your father or your grand-pappy say, there is nothing wrong with you!” her mother continued. “You are my baby girl, and you are as beautiful and perfect as you always have been, and I won’t let anybody say diff’rent. You hear me now girl!”
“Yes, mama.” Annie replied with an uncertain smile.
She still felt different. Weird. Dirty.
She thought about what had happened that afternoon and cringed inwardly.
It had been right after JV soccer practice. All the girls were showering and changing. Annie was standing relishing the pins and needles from the near scalding water, when Becky Perez had come into the shower. Annie looked over at her and her heart skipped in her chest. It occurred to Annie in that moment that she had never seen anything so beautiful in her whole short life.
Becky looked over at Annie and said “Hi.”
Annie blushed and looked away, and then shyly said “Hi.”
Becky didn’t seem to notice how flustered Annie was, but Annie felt a heat rising from her pubis to her rock hard nipples that had nothing to do with the shower.
She slowly opened her eyes to steal another glance at Becky.
Her dark skin was covered with soap bubbles and her firm breasts stuck out proudly as she shampooed her midnight black hair. The dark patch between her thighs was neatly trimmed. This detail sent a rush of desire through Annie’s entire body and she let out a soft moan and lost herself in the fantasy.
The sound of the shower being turned off shocked her out of her pleasure inspired stupor. She opened her eyes and Becky was staring at her with a look of embarrassment mixed with anger.
“Hijo de puta!” screeched Becky, covering herself with her hands. “What, are you a dyke?” she screamed at Annie.
She felt very confused for a few seconds before she realized that Becky was screaming at her. She realized that she had her right hand between her legs and quickly removed it. She looked over at Becky who was walking out of the shower into the locker room telling anyone who would listen that there was a lesbo dyke jacking off in the shower.
Annie waited in the shower for what seemed like an eternity, too mortified to leave and risk having to face any one of the girls from the team. When she finally turned off the shower she waited another five minutes, listening for any sounds coming from the locker room. When she was sure there was no-one still lurking around, she went straight to her locker, only to find that someone had written nasty words all over it. This discovery was too much, and she finally broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably, all the shame and horror of what had happened pouring out of her in a torrent of tears.
“It gets better.” said a voice behind her.
Annie jumped up from the bench and spun around, covering herself with her hands.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” said the young woman standing there with a handful of towels.
“No, no, I’m sorry,” Annie stammered, trying to figure out how to wipe away her tears without showing this stranger more of her naked body. “I didn’t know anyone was still here.”
“It’s okay.” said the woman. “My name’s Patricia. I work here after school. Trying to make a little extra money to help pay for college.”
“Oh.” said Annie.
“Look, I saw what happened.” continued Patricia. “It does get better. And if you’re into girls, that’s cool too. Live and let live and all that.”
“But I’m not into girls!” protested Annie. “I don’t know what happened! One minute I was showering and the next minute Becky is screaming at me, calling me a dyke. I barely remember any of it.”
“Sometimes it happens that way. I can’t explain it, and I know it sucks, but you’ll get through it. One thing. Don’t take any shit from anybody at school. Girls are vicious, and they’re going to tell everyone. You stand up and be proud. You hear me. Fight if you have to, but don’t let them beat you down. Okay?”
“I don’t know.” replied Annie. “I’ll try not to.”
“Hey, you have a phone? I’ll give you my number. If you need to talk, or need me to kick someone’s ass, you call me okay!” said Patricia.
“Okay,” said Annie. “Thanks.”
Annie wrapped herself in a towel that she took from her locker and rummaged through her backpack for her phone. She found it and typed in the number as Patricia gave it to her and then pressed send. After a few seconds Rick James belted out from Patricia’s back pocket singing “Superfreak”.
Patricia gave Annie a lopsided grin and Annie laughed.
“I’ve got to get back to work. I have alot to do and not a lot of time to do it.” said Patricia heading toward the back of the locker room. “Call me!”
“I will!” replied Annie, smiling shyly.
After Patricia left, Annie dug in her backpack for clean panties and bra and started getting dressed. As she began to replay the scene in the shower in her mind, she began to cry, wondering how she was going to survive the coming shitstorm.