Heart Broken Section

I've made my mistakes and know i regret, but the problem is bigger than i thought it could get. with every breathe i take, my heart breaks and shatters, but at the end of the day, what i want doesn't matter. i admitted my wrongs cause i want to do right, i wanted to heal our broken wings so that once again we could take flight and soar but now i'm left bitter and sore and i take the alcohol and pills to numb the pain but it chemically reacts and alters my brain.  I think of you as dead and gone since it was so easy for you to move on.  im trying to forget cause your happy now, but the thought that your happy without me puts me down. why do i allow myself to feel this pain? because the adrenaline of it drives me insane. your nothing but a faint memory now, a nightmare in the flesh, the pain i feel is pushing me closer to death. i went from your everything to nothing in such a short time, funny how you used to brag about she's all mine. i cant eat, i cant sleep, i feel so helpless and crude, i cant do a damn thing without being rude.  and i apologize for my bullshit, i take responsibility for my actions, i swallowed my pride afraid of your reactions. Love is giving that person a loaded gun and trusting them not to pull the trigger, aimed at my heart is what i figure. but at this point i wish it was aimed at my head because living without you? i'm already considered dead. i watch promise after promise break like shattered dishes, i keep thinking back to when i was your Mrs. happiest i ever was, our future was bright, but now its dark cause we blew out the light. i guess this really is the end because this broken heart i just cant mend. They say with all wounds, it heals with time, but the longer i wait, the more i die. i guess true love cant exist for me cause i believed that we were meant to be. i didn't take the ring just to say fuck it, now the tears show my fears because they flow from my eyes like a waterfall, i never expected any of this to happen at all.take a lesson from my story. Don't let go when there's tension, or else you'll be stuck in the heart broken section.