2nd February, 23:54

I walked in on everyone watching your wedding tape today.
And they all looked at me like I was the one who died.
They visit your bones, come back and watch you smile on tv, then carry on.
Every year lay back and pretend to sleep while they leave, pockets double checked and tires kicked at 10am.
I must be the only one who remembers that we buried you at dusk.
While it pissed down so much we threw mud on you instead of soil.
Couldn't light a candle for you even if I had one, so I've been bringing them ever since and hoping you've forgiven me.
Because the words on your grave are not who you were, there were no stones big enough.
How could I write in fifteen letters, that you never let me feel poor?That you kept me out of jail more times than I could count, that every rare moment of joy in a sparse childhood was because of you?
First drinks, first cars, all paid for by you.
Even my first kiss was your friend, as a month of teasing confirmed.
So when you were in that bed I prayed, just like you taught me.
I begged, pleaded and bargained away my soul. Spent a week by your side pressing damp tissues to your lips, incase they were cracked when you woke up.
And I watched you die. So many times. Until the doctor got tired of bringing you back. At least the last time nobody tried to make me leave. You were everybody's rock, without you there they all crumbled. No more guide for kids with kids, no more strong role model to look up to, but I cried on your shoulder one last time. It's taken me a while, but I think you might be proud of me now and if you've forgiven me for not being able to wish you better I've even found the right words to mark your stone.
She was more a mother than a sister.
And we will always miss her.