Count to five

Breathe
In
Out
Close your eyes
Open
Close
Count to five
1
2
3
4
5
It’s still not okay
You grab your old friend from his hiding spot
You’re shaking
Not from fear;
But from the excitement
Excitement of the blade
You touch it to the tips of your fingers
Knowing how sharp it is
You smile
Slowly bringing the blade to your wrist
Anticipating the release it will give you
You push down
Slowly guiding it across your skin
The cold teeth of the blade pushing deeper and deeper
Begging
Screaming
Pleading
For more
Not pushing hard enough
Deeper
Harder
Longer
MORE
You smile
As it tingles
Feeling as though you just painted a master piece
Red bubbles us to the surface of your skin
Blood stains the blade
You watch as it slowly rolls down your arm
A giggle escapes your lips
You can see you’re alive
You can feel it
You exhale and inhale joy
You lean back
Thinking all you needed was one
But then
You start thinking about your life
And all the pain you deserve
How you’re not even alive anymore
You look at your already mutilated arm
Grab the blade again
1
2
3
4
5
There’s no stopping the damage that’s been done here
Not even you knows how many there are now
Who cares, right?
No one does
The voices keep getting louder
Screaming into your head
“GO DIE”
“WE WON’T MISS YOU”
“NO ONE LIKES YOU”
“YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE ALIVE”
“WORTHLESS”
“STUPID”
“UGLY”
“WHORE”
“ALONE”
“WORTHLESS”
“ATTENTION SEEKER”
“LIAR''