The undiscussed

I feel like I suffered more than anybody..
I feel like the last time grandma was proud was when she was beating me...
I could be wrong yet this is how I feel.
Sometimes I get off course but reality sets in and reminds me this life is real.
They told me I'm blessed becus I have a warm bed and a meal.
But how can I be blessed when these demons keep stealing my pride.
Step outside myself and slowly began to cry cus this ain't me..
Tried to remain strong but my legs feel so weak.
God I been on earth so long I forgot what its like to be home.
you don't have to say a word just let your love be shown.
Imagine being surrounded by grownups everyday,cant say they was family cus we had no resemblance in anyway.
Do as your told and neva talk back.
Even if it hurts those wounds became secrets and we never spoke about that.
Imagine being a lil girl in a house full of men.
Every where you turn eyes cut flesh and pierce thru skin.
What I wouldn't give to only have had one person to PROTECT me..
Eyelids closed at night but I'm not sleeping peacefully,
wishing I could drown in my silent screams..
yet my guardian angel wouldn't grant me that beautiful mistake.
I use to hate cleaning my room now I cant stand if it's dirty.
Focused on making sure no one was hiding under my bed this is my child hood horror story.