From an Old Journal(July 14, 2006)

Its one a.m. and I'm just waiting, for my mind to start invading, the reality I live in, which is when I start to give in. Into my thoughts as I explore, the world that I can no longer ignore. Just writing things on my mind, but I think it's time. Do I even have the spine for this? To talk shit then throw up my fists, and hopefully win! For I have a reputation to maintain, it's not your turn to gain the respect you will never deserve because I'm living and I have learned, that the reason I fight is not to spite but to show you that you are not what you think. A bad ass? Ya right! That is the reason we need to fight, you are stepping up on a pedestal too tall. Its so tall that you are going to fall. Its mine you see and you will never take it from me, unless you back your shit up, but instead you turn and run, o no too late, I grabbed the gun, run fast you bitch, you piece of shit! You think you can step up and talk shit to my friends and family?! Well for that you will no longer live happily. I will find you and mess you up, then hold the gun to your head and say, "Shut the FUCK UP!" Respect is what you need to learn because one day it might be your turn. But not right now its my gangs reign of fire, we know this is what you desire. But take a step back and wait your turn, because soon enough you will learn. Or will you? Have I? I think so, but my confidence low, and that needs to go, for it does not show, so you will never know, until it is time to fight. I think twice and that's when I start to break. A break, yes that's what I need to take some speed or maybe a shot whatever you need to make you hot. To forget whats going on, a new state of mind, which never lets you know if its time. To stop and listen to your thoughts, but you can't for they are all being blocked. You'll get used and pushed around, but soon enough you won't find the ground. High in the sky you will fly up to the top, and on your way you will live not die. You need to pass down your knowledge, yes that's what you should do, to a person not as strong as you. So that's what I am doing right here and now, so it may finally be my turn to go ahead and take a bow. The curtains close, the lights turn off, you fade back into reality where we left you at your standoff.
ILJC