Late Nights

It's times like this that I hate...so late into the night that it's beginning to be early. When out of nowhere a song I played to help me sleep opens up all the doors to my mind, doors I've tried over and over to keep locked, and all the haunting memories rush through me like a wave, carrying all the pain and regret with them. It's times like this that I am at my weakest, when I wish I could go back in time, stop everything from happening. When my strength fails and my desires to self harm come back stronger than ever, just so I can escape this torment and pain I feel inside. But I can't go back in time and fix everything. I can't add to my collection of scars, for I know I would regret it later. I can't make the ones involved in this realize I never wanted this to happen. All I can do is wait...wait for the waves to subside, for the desires to go away, and try to remember that everything in life happens for a reason...I really just wish I knew what that reason was sometimes.