i intend to pull the trigger

My intentions
Were far off the mark
But they led me to exactly where I needed to be.
Your transgressions
Were apparent from the start
And they still inspire urgency.

Can we break the habit?
Shake this enslaving aptitude?
Moments laced with the thrill of the chase
That rock in my stomach inspired by the imagination
Of me without you.

I know better know
Then to sustain what I myself dare not ever name-
And maybe
Just a fucking maybe
It'll come to me when I finally go...

There's too much to see
To settle for the best
And maybe if I grow up
I can get some honest rest
Until then
I'll keep following that silver lining
And until then consider
The shot fired
Even if I'm waiting for better timing.

There are words
That I've been told not to speak
So I'll hold them for myself
Even if they are yours to keep.

Thankyou,
And like I've always said
I'm sorry.
So try and keep me out of mind
And I'll try and keep out of your bed. I