World View #64

     I don't trust adult personalities. Adults are full of lies.  When people who used to torment me are nice to me now, I don't believe it. Who we are when we are young is who we really are. On the way to being a grown up, most of us learn to put on different faces in different situations to get what we want or in an effort to be civil and get along. We become full of lies. What we were is what we are. Inside, I am still the fat kid on the block with few friends or the fat teenager who couldn't get a date. I expect the same is true of the dickhead jocks and girls  I did not impress.

    It's funny how so many of us never let go of those early hurts, or early victories, for that matter, and carry them with us. We look like grownups but inside are still the persecuted nerd or football hero we used to be. Those early days define us for the first time and it's not always possible to 'just get over it.' It's not that easy. Those experiences become central to our personalities and views of the world and are often what we spend the rest of our days trying to overcome. Fallen high school heroes are often worse than eternal nerds, to me, because life for people like me got better as we got older. To have peaked at seventeen years old and spend the rest of your life on a downward slope has to be incredibly depressing. It's what bars are for.