Insanity

I talk to myself,
I said I talk to myself.
I believe in myself, others not worthy of my trust.
maybe I am being selfish, and closed up.
hysterical, pathetic and ignorant.
madness all over my head.
what should i do ?
I've been giving so much,
I just don't get it back.
my man says, maybe you need love. but man, all i get is betrayal and
questions left unanswered.
hypnotized by the silence,
I lie in bed and stare at ceiling.
I wonder, Is something wrong with
me ?
thoughts arise, strange and confusing.
perception of so called reality
diminishes.
I feel left alone, alone lost in thoughts.
Wise ones say, response to this fucked up reality is to go insane.
But am I really the ones,
the part of degenerating elite.
Again, I wonder why I wonder so
much.
Why I can't be like others ?
Is it a gift or a curse ?
Sometimes I am damn proud of myself,
Sometimes I loath myself,
of being me, the way I am.
My mind wanders beyond this
existence.
I want to explore realm beyond this fake sanity,
the cost I pay, it hurts.
But crying and whinning is not my
thing.
I know I am strong,
strong enough to understand this weirdness.
Obscene curiosity haunts me,
I carry it all along with me.
Finding momentary satisfaction in
cigarettes and booze,
weed, pills and junk.
But again i still feel the same.
What is sanity ?
Is this world sane anyway?
Political crisis, corruption, economic
unstability, social violence,
evergrowing pollution, nuclear
weaponary advancement, war.
Lame technological development,
greedy multinational company.
Rich getting richer, poor dying of
hunger.
Children molested, raped and killed.
Disgusting perversion and
pornography.
Bastards preaching the evil of sex and narcotics,
But they are the ones practicing and
selling it.
Bastard politicians,
Bastard millionaires,
Bastard religious gurus,
Bastards everyone.
Maybe I am unable to adapt to this
evolving civilization, modern evolution.
Victim of natural selection.
What do I do to straighten my mind ?
Or should I embrace this madness ? I want someone or something to show me the path that leads me to my beliefs.
Escape from this state of despair.
I wish to go beyond this preassumed reality,
But I am scared of getting lost.
I preach, sanitize your little mediocre brain people.
Why so shallow ?
Purify your brainwashed mind,
full of superficial religious belief, patriotic spirit, fashion, glamour and bullshit.
See, I talk insanity,
Insane me.
Should I jump deep inside the Rabbit Hole ?