Persistence Doesn't Pay Off

Clearly I'm fickle
and I infatuate
in the hope that something
somewhere
will reciprocate.

I'm the same
but I force away remembering myself like this before.

If I'm not in pain, or out of pain then what am I

floating is inaccurate
there's a gap in existence somewhere
that only I know of
and it's there that I'm sinking
through mud and twigs
to get further into my own sense
of nothing
of no one
and of everything
I've been afraid of hurting me

as it all hurt

and these new bones i'm quite fond of
so it's wiser to be empty
than full of things
waiting to explode.