Addiction

   
I equate being an artist to being in toxic relationships...  
It takes more than it gives, and you'll always need it more than it needs you…  
A love of a different kind, 'cause it's indifferent…it isn't mine,  
An all-encompassing hunger, and it's...eating me alive,  
This haunting, plundering thunder that just needed me to drive,    
A most intoxicating god...that doesn't care if I exist,  
And I'm so lost debating odds, when it's just there, 'cause I insist...  
You say that I'm withdrawing; "just a drawing"..? "just a poem"?--  
No, it's a voice that just keeps calling like I'm stalling to come home...  
A noise I find appalling, 'til I'm falling in it's zone,  
But you can't see my skin is crawling when it's clawing at my bones...  
An itch I can't relieve…some shit you can't believe,  
But it's something I might kill for, like a fix when I'm in need,  
And I need to feed it more than you…even think of fortitude--  
This screaming demon picks it clean, and keeps the dreams it sorted through…  
It's consuming everything, and anything's affordable,  
When you assume so many things are heavy and deplorable…  
Distorting what's normal, silencing violence I've inherited,  
Society's so humbling…stumbling home, inebriated,  
So the irony of my "arrogance" goes under-appreciated--  
from mandated reaction…a standard for gods and men..?  
I'm merely translating a fraction--what I've managed to comprehend…  
Before it shifts in its direction, and splits into different sections,  
I'm living with a condition, and listening for connections,  
An addiction…an obsession…and it gives off an aggression,  
so forgive me if It's fleeting--I'm bleeding, running on empty...  
I never got what I need from it…just pieces of what it sent me…  
   
Copyright © 2013 Travis J Gibbs, The Ant1-Her0 Project