confusion at it's best

I have a tendency to be indirect
In everything I do I have that effect
Never clearly state what's on my mind
Trying to guide you to my thoughts completely blind
I'm always having a battle though
My heart and mind never exactly flow
Truth is they rarely cross the same path
Added unity for a moment, subtracted instantly, some fucked up math
But when they connect it's pure bliss
There for a moment til they part and I reminisce
When it comes down to this, I'll do my best to express
You came into my life when it was all a mess
You became my escape from reality
A reason to smile in all actuality
We found our vibe, genuinely have that type of connection
But what's the point when I'm just another added to your collection
You're the exact man that would leave me in disgust
Secretly you've played this game millions of times but have me completely in lust
I'm attracted to how mentally we're connected
Logically speaking im a fucked up female and you're what I should of rejected
I constantly wonder how you could even say your in love
Maybe I should start searching for answers from above
Your not truly happy, you're content
Your comfortable with her being blind hoping she doesn't smell my scent
Whatever the situation is, this is where I become indirect
My heart's echoing your name & my mind is running just trying to protect
You'll be the one to break me down
Tear me open & lose grasp of my crown
I can't help you open your eyes
Maybe I should open mine as my heart is screaming out and cries
Because I'm just here prioritizing your presence
Meanwhile I'm your option with a time limit on our essence
I need to let you know I'm having a rough time staying sane
Trying to hold on cause I know it's real when I should just follow in my minds lane
Each time we fuck your speaking intensely with the silent emotions you can't claim
We are making fire, chasing the sun, like a moth to the flame
I need to tell you I want to see this progress
Wish that you could let go and care less
But then in my mind, why would I even want that?
Tried out for my place, landed up second at bat
I closed all my options leaving no room for possibilities
Even blocked my heart because I let you in even knowing all your abilities
But I've been there before, played victim to the game
Truth is it's something I overcame
Rebuilt my mind and soul to be strong
Fuck everyone's two cents as mine is all I'll consider to be right or wrong
So I'll be blunt with you hoping you absorb it all
I'm getting sick and tired of being here at your beckon call
We both feel it or maybe I'm misinterpreting your vibe
You have yet to open up with feelings, express or even describe
As I'm holding on, it's getting clearer that you have no intentions on seeing where we could go
That's fine, I know my place, but I also know I have the strength to let it all go...