deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Remnant
Dance in the center
let the spotlight rage
don't let me swelter
that I live in a cage
Every move tested
and every word named
roars like a tiger
not some victim that's maimed.
What did she say?
what says she in that way?
"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies-"
No calling bluff
or call so rough
or handed mantle rings
but when the morning
light returns
we see what sunlight brings.
runningturtle87
let the spotlight rage
don't let me swelter
that I live in a cage
Every move tested
and every word named
roars like a tiger
not some victim that's maimed.
What did she say?
what says she in that way?
"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies-"
No calling bluff
or call so rough
or handed mantle rings
but when the morning
light returns
we see what sunlight brings.
runningturtle87
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Apr 2019 9:40pm
7th Nov 2013 7:06am
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re: Re: The Remnant
7th Nov 2013 8:52pm
Anonymous
- Edited 16th May 2018 7:35pm
7th Nov 2013 1:09pm
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re: Re: The Remnant
7th Nov 2013 8:53pm
re: Re: The Remnant
7th Nov 2013 8:53pm
Re: The Remnant
8th Nov 2013 3:00am
The end if the first stanza doesn't quite tie together as strong as I would like it to, but that's about my only gripe with it. Really like 'what says she in that way'
Nice to see some ink from you again.
Nice to see some ink from you again.
0
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re: Re: The Remnant
8th Nov 2013 3:08am
Well, if it needs work, let's put in on the rack, Man. 4th line second stanza as an off syllable to indicate a leap forward, but it still sticks somehow. what does it need? Thanks for pointing, what else can we do?
re: re: Re: The Remnant
8th Nov 2013 3:20am
Argh! Mechanics gets grease on hour hands man, too dirty for me. Was just a bit curious as to if 'swelter' was the right bolt to fit with 'that'...
0
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re: re: re: Re: The Remnant
8th Nov 2013 11:57am
Yes, it is an odd word, and so that is a problem....how to be hot and bothered without innuendo...that uncomfortable sweat of self-consciousness that creates that panic of needing to get out....alluding to the mass exodus this piece is about and the need for those who are left to stand and deliver....yes, problematic, no doubt...sweltering heat of the spotlight....
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 7:36pm
9th Nov 2013 8:35pm
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![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: The Remnant
9th Nov 2013 9:29pm
We've got to want to do it....these poems are not going to write themselves....
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 7:36pm
9th Nov 2013 9:43pm
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)