Tunnel visions  

crim, great to have your pupils dance over this, sorry 'bout the gut punch and such antics.

thank you kindly for dropping by, Miss

Well, I didn't see that coming at all... and the dedication at the top makes it even harder read.

Packs a whallop, Craic. Wow.

Dun Dun Dunnnnn
 
*cue tumbleweed and whistling wind sound effects*  
 
I jest..
 
this has been floating around in my head for a couple of days, I've been 'mind editing' while I went about stuff. used to do it a lot when I first joined.   ...not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
 
anyhow Miss (or sir) thanks for dropping by and leaving your thoughts  

excellent work, dark and captures a moment perfectly, gripping poem!  By imagery alone this could actually play out as a silent short film, does that make sense? Good green and great poems! My Wednesday keeps getting better

Nikki
 
makes perfect sense now you say it, I think it'd have to be black and white though
 
wow, thank you much for the great comment. If I could acquire a suitable shipping lane to the states I'd let you sample my line in herbal ..relaxants. for my new venture Craic distribution inc.
 
thanks for dropping by, Lady

Started very strong with that dedication and ended even stronger Lepp, says a whole lot more than the words. I wouldn't mind a sample of the green from the land of the leaf mate... First one a freebie? :)

DystopianMelody

far too kind m'man.  a strong start is a good start in my book.

thank you for stopping here and reading my offerings. always good to have your words  

The dedication could just about stand on its own, but reading it again afterwards turns it into a whole other animal. I like how the whole thing wasn't overwritten--rather than give an entire backstory, it was just built out of that moment. My only thought is that the lone period at the very end may be better off gone, but that's a judgement call at the best of times. In your own words, fair fckin play mate.

Mike  
 
Delighted to see you here my friend. funny you should say that. the dedication bit came first yesterday on a thread and today I was really considering giving a back story for the man.  
 
I met a man once when I worked with galvanizing steel. there was a huge pool of molten galvanize in which things were dipped.  
 
anyway, this man was having a hard time of it , and for reasons of his own ran and jumped into the molten galvanize .  
..it spat him out, like hot cooking oil spits out water. that must have been a bastard. he suffered some broken bones and burns all over his body.  
 
 
thanks kindly for stopping by Mike, and for the words.

Wow this one hit hard. It's touching. One problem "probably sizing me up for a talking to  
then said"  maybe remove the "to" add then he said!  just my opinion!  I had to read it 3 times to get why you put it. I know why but if you remove it it reads better . Maybe lol  
But I do love this one it's really good

Gigi

I took out that line altogether and replaced it with something less sticky.

thank you kindly dear lady, for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. much appreciated

Petit one

Happens you're probably right there, Miss.I expect trying to save such souls would only prolong the agony for a short time 'til an opportunity arises for a different attempt.

thank you much for your presence and words of encouragement

I like the write and don't have much to say on it... the title though might bother me... it seems hands off, a little dumbed down, and nonchalant...however that nonchalance also makes me maybe like it, as it kinda echoes the feel of the sentiment of the fella that hopped up and walked away. So this is not even a comment now, just me blabbing under your write

Lightbaron

The title was bothering me a little today, it is rather over explanatory and maybe even holds a different tone than the body of the poem. there's nothing for me to do now 'cept put some thought into it and come up with something less

I thank you for your frank words, may the force be with you

Think I agree about the title; seems a bit like it reduces the events in the poem down to a nice neat moral conclusion, which doesn't sit well with the poem because the speaker resists taking any kind of standpoint.
I really like those first lines, just under the title, like a mini prologue. I like how 'and I've looked for you' comes out unexpectedly from the train tracks and is then buried again by the dark of the tunnel. I was wondering why you'd put punctuation in that bit though, seeing as it's mainly absent from the rest of the poem. I think it'd work just as well without the commas.
The first verse is beautiful, the way it's constructed. It doesn't demand that you feel anything for the man, just presents the stuff.

Merda,

Thanks so much. That was the second title I tried, it's not working so I tried another, it's sounding a bit on the cliche side though so the chances are I'll try again shortly

the punctuation, I've gone ahead and cut that to see what it looks like. i was a bit reluctant, but decided to go with your gut

thank you kindly for your in-depth-ness and words of encouragement. much appreciated    

This is one dark mind you have and one I think I can relate. The judgement call to let a man die, for me is a reflection on society today. I doubt such acts of desperation would have played out 50 years ago, but the world has changed, people are more disconnect, probably wouldn't even notice a man in a wheelchair, because there preoccupied with their smart phones. The observers in this world are dwindling away.
 
I really enjoyed this piece, it's short and to the point and provoked much thought with powerful imagery!
 
I agree with Nikki, this would be a great film, but perhaps to a spoken word. If you ever do a reading on this poem, let me know, I'll find the guy in a wheelchair.

Case

I think your right about the judgment call. I'm not sure if it's the same thing but young me would be appalled by such thoughts.
older me has seen the world for what it is. if people want to jump off the world then it's their call (unless that person is a blood relative, then it's very much my call)  

I'm glad you liked this, and might just throw some voice to the words given your talent for such things

Thanks much for dropping by good fellow  

Vee

so good of you to drop by and leave your thoughts. you're probably right, sometimes the best course of action is to look/ walk away.

cheers for the kind words miss Vee

a killer 'human interest' story
there....top-o-th-line self-refle
                           xion
of our collective (daresay collected)
fear of death always living among us

or smthng like that

-nice ye got so many readers-
but damn, eye got dizzy rollin & scrollin down thee hill t'find a spot to write this

Danny Bhoy

"a killer 'human interest' story
there"  ..simply punderful

yes, my fellow pensioner, fear of dying, collected in small nuts and kept for the quiet times

cheers man for dropping in and leaving your thoughts  

Seems to me the opening stanza is spoken by death itself.

Very powerful piece of writing, nothing out of place. Very happy to have stumbled here.

Markus

Death itself, nice, I'd never have thought of that.

welcome to this place, happy to have had you bounce by and leave your thoughts

very powerful...gripping...the hard truth, we will all face death eventually whether it just happens or we decide when it happens...either way, there is no way we can truthfully stop it...

ah yes, even Hussein Bolt can't outrun the reaper. I think whoever had the bright idea to imply dying was the end of it all, done a real injustice to humanity and the sheeple therein

thanks you much for dropping by Jeje, and laying down your thoughts


  

good of you to say so Dr, welcome to this place

Yeah, to be or not to be isn't the only question; to let be or not let be follows hard behind.  I appreciate the skill with which you posed the question.  Chilling.  Provoking.

Great ink . Just awesome .