Drug Shit

I yell, I scream about him...
then I get to jonesin and every single
horrible word I spoke of him is wrong.
A smile rises on my face and I know
that he's the only one I can really GET
to. He drove 40 miles to come pick me
up just to drive 40 miles back to swing
me some dope and drove me all the
way back. Just so I'd talk to him about
our marriage.

I was just jonesin. I just told him what
he wanted to hear. Now, I regret making
him feel that way...hopeful.
I justify saying to myself fuck him, now he
knows what it feels like. I just feel
like shit cause all I wanted was the dope....
and he just came along with the package.

We're driving down the road laughing
about something stupid and then all of
a sudden his eyes get lazy and his lips
turn blue and I smack him hard as hell in
his face. He smiles and focuses back to
the road. I just started laughing thinking
"good times, good times" but its NOT
funny. I guess THOSE are the good times
I remember we had together. Pretty bad, huh?

I used to have to go through him to GET
my dope. Now, these guys have seen me
around so long, they all call me "Megs"
like they're family or something.
I guess they are....my dope family.

I DO feel bad because I used him. He had money,
I didn't..he was willing to come all the way out to
get me, I couldn't drive. He was getting
dope, and I wanted some.
Fine. Its on him I guess.
I can just say he deserves to rectify the
situation though. Hmm....
I didn't/don't mean to use you..
or make you think we're okay now
because we're not.
I can't promise I won't ever take
dope from you if you offer it again though...
Just don't think I'm going to
fuck you. Doesn't mean I won't though.
Or love you..
or even like you.
That makes me a dope whore I guess then, huh?