deepundergroundpoetry.com
Carly. <3
There once was a girl
Who wasn't very happy
Everyday,
She felt rather crappy
She's tried to kill herself
Many a time
But she always told people
That she was just fine
She was pretty, smart and kind
But she didn't think so
She always said 'not in my mind'
Oh, her thoughts were so low
She was messed up in the head
But her true self was inside
I hope she is ok
I fear one day soon she will drop dead.
Who wasn't very happy
Everyday,
She felt rather crappy
She's tried to kill herself
Many a time
But she always told people
That she was just fine
She was pretty, smart and kind
But she didn't think so
She always said 'not in my mind'
Oh, her thoughts were so low
She was messed up in the head
But her true self was inside
I hope she is ok
I fear one day soon she will drop dead.
Published 19th Jan 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 20th May 2020 11:37am
19th Jan 2011 1:05pm
<< post removed >>
19th Jan 2011 11:11pm
Its okay but i agree with L.A. i dont see any real depth in it. pull out the dark person and be proper honest.
i feel like you've sacrificed true meaning.. just to make it rhyme and i dont think this poem does your emotion any good deeds.
you have shown that you can write.. now its time to jsut write with more passion.
get out there. write your unrestrained heart .
i feel like you've sacrificed true meaning.. just to make it rhyme and i dont think this poem does your emotion any good deeds.
you have shown that you can write.. now its time to jsut write with more passion.
get out there. write your unrestrained heart .
20th Jan 2011 9:03am
is good but sometimes it steals the essence and imagery in a poem.
The message (theme)is in tact but the poetry can yet be worked on.
The message (theme)is in tact but the poetry can yet be worked on.
22nd Jan 2011 9:18am
I know it's actually a terrible poem, the only reason I put it on here is for my best friend because this is about her :3 the writing is terrible.
But thanks for the honesty :)
But thanks for the honesty :)
