deepundergroundpoetry.com
🎃Dark Night Of Halloween🎃
Children flood the streets,
as the dark approaches.
gathering candy from door to door.
Behind the shadows that stare into the night,
lies horror and evil about to strike.
You cannot out run them, you cannot get away.
You're lost in the dark woods that possesses the night.
And when you're found,
it'll be over the pool of blood you have shed.
There's no use screaming,
you will not be heard,
the wind will be howling way too loud.
Beware of the night.
They're in disguise,
to hide their identities,
while they torture.
On the morning of November,
Tombstones fill the town,
of those who shall rest in peace,
that has fallen down,
On that dark night of Halloween.
This was my first Halloween poem, I write it about 3 years ago. Please be honest what you think!
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
as the dark approaches.
gathering candy from door to door.
Behind the shadows that stare into the night,
lies horror and evil about to strike.
You cannot out run them, you cannot get away.
You're lost in the dark woods that possesses the night.
And when you're found,
it'll be over the pool of blood you have shed.
There's no use screaming,
you will not be heard,
the wind will be howling way too loud.
Beware of the night.
They're in disguise,
to hide their identities,
while they torture.
On the morning of November,
Tombstones fill the town,
of those who shall rest in peace,
that has fallen down,
On that dark night of Halloween.
This was my first Halloween poem, I write it about 3 years ago. Please be honest what you think!
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
Published 24th Oct 2013
| Edited 6th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
you've really captured a good sound of finality with that last stanza, though you accomplish it by breaking up and slowing down the language in a way that it would never actually be used. the thoughts presented in that stanza would ordinarily be presented in about this order:
--morning of November
--tombstones of the deceased fill the town (not tombstones fill the town of those who are deceased. and how and why would there suddenly be tombstones all over the place the next day, anyway?)
--now they rest in the peace that has fallen on that dark night of Halloween.
the first stanza could be trimmed of the comma in the first line and the word "the" in the second line. and "lies" in the fifth line should be "lie." maybe it should be "lay," though. to find out, consult someone snobbier about english than i. but i actually think "lie" is fine.
in the second stanza the comma in the first line could be a period. i think that maybe "possesses" could be "posess" in the second line.
who is saying the wind will be howling way to loudly? the ending of that stanza is much too choppy.
overall, i would consider this a very...bland piece though, anyway. it lacks a sort of substance that would bring it out of the realm of scary thing anyone might say into the realm of something that feels real. it doesn't put the reader into the situation. it's just...whistling in the wind in the treetops.
many poems written in a poet's earlier days may be left behind as the poet grows. i really think this could be one of them for you.
--morning of November
--tombstones of the deceased fill the town (not tombstones fill the town of those who are deceased. and how and why would there suddenly be tombstones all over the place the next day, anyway?)
--now they rest in the peace that has fallen on that dark night of Halloween.
the first stanza could be trimmed of the comma in the first line and the word "the" in the second line. and "lies" in the fifth line should be "lie." maybe it should be "lay," though. to find out, consult someone snobbier about english than i. but i actually think "lie" is fine.
in the second stanza the comma in the first line could be a period. i think that maybe "possesses" could be "posess" in the second line.
who is saying the wind will be howling way to loudly? the ending of that stanza is much too choppy.
overall, i would consider this a very...bland piece though, anyway. it lacks a sort of substance that would bring it out of the realm of scary thing anyone might say into the realm of something that feels real. it doesn't put the reader into the situation. it's just...whistling in the wind in the treetops.
many poems written in a poet's earlier days may be left behind as the poet grows. i really think this could be one of them for you.
24th Oct 2013 8:21pm
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Apr 2019 1:35am
24th Oct 2013 6:59pm
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