ALilPersonal

I don't exactly know how to put this in the right words..
but here it goes....

I feel like everything I've worked so hard to get,
is gong to nothing, all going to shit.
Even though I look glad, my heart is actually sad.
You don't ever seem to realize, what truly lies behind my eyes.
I have a world of pain, that makes it hard for me to stay sane.

You don't understand, and you never will.
Shit, even I don't know why I'm sad still..

I try to smile&try to be happy..
but deep down inside, I always feel crappy.
I tried so hard to make myself dead,
&everyone thinks it's all in my head.
You don't understand the voices at all.
You'll never know all the shit that I saw.
It plays in my head, over&over again,
the actions of a man living in sin.
It goes through my mind much more than it seems,
the night that he raped me, and all his friends seeing.

I wonder if they even feel bad?
Because they gave me that poison that made me go mad.
I know it's the past, and it's supposed to pass..
But how can it pass, if I hide the pain with a mask??
I want to talk to you, but you don't want the same,
&I feel like when I do talk, you think I'm insane.
I remember the feeling of no one being there,
what's different from now? There's still no one to care..

You say I need a friend, but can you at least try??
Try to listen to me, when I break down&cry..
Is it to much to ask, that this broken little girl,
could have someone try to enter her world??
I just want to know, that I have someone there...
Someone to listen&someone to care..