A Poem That Will Make You Sob While Pissing Yourself, Laughing

I'm sad as fuck
but I don't want
to write a sad
poem.

I want to write a
poem that's so goddamn
depressing it makes
you smile.

I want the type of
poem people won't
forget.

It'll be so sad, it
will make you laugh.

But how the hell am
I supposed to do
that?

I'm so sad that a guy walked into a bar and-

No.

That's just fucking
weird. I want a poem
good enough to brag
about.

Something to make my
parents proud.

I want a rooftop to
shout this glorious
poem off of.

I want everyone who
hears it to sob
while laughing so
hard they piss
themselves.

I want a nice lady
with a microphone
and a camera to ask
me just how I came up
with this masterpiece.

I'll tell her,
"it just came
to me."

I just want to write
such a poem
right now.

Why doesn't it just
come to me?

Fuck poetry.