Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Apart
I like how you alluded to physical weathering in this as a metaphor to depict a guarded heart.
A short but clever write.
Love it!:)
A short but clever write.
Love it!:)
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re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 00:06am
Thank you so much, Kitty! Even a guarded heart is never safe from being challenged.
The short ones (hopefully) prevent me from making too many mistakes! That's why :-)!
The short ones (hopefully) prevent me from making too many mistakes! That's why :-)!
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Feb 2019 4:35pm
8th Oct 2013 00:05am
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![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 00:16am
Vee, I'm truely humbled by your lovely words since I know how brilliantly YOU craft your poems! Thank you, my dear friend!
Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 00:05am
eroding away
the barrier you
surely will...
it's a great
little poem,
excellant..!
the barrier you
surely will...
it's a great
little poem,
excellant..!
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re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 00:19am
Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 00:16am
A short yet very powerful emotive ink
Although I'm not so sure u need that last line
It feels like an afterthought sort of...
But hey what do I know? I just love good ink!
lol
Although I'm not so sure u need that last line
It feels like an afterthought sort of...
But hey what do I know? I just love good ink!
lol
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re: Re: Apart
Well, Poe, I think you know a lot of poetry and I thank you so much for giving my poem an earnest thought. I only wrote down what came into my mind and that's it. I'm thinking about your suggestion, my friend, and I'm really thankful for your honest critique! I had to add the last line, but what do I know when YOU don't? Hey, thanks!
re: re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 1:22am
but surely the final
line is the point? It
would be so lessened
without it... It's just
right as it is..:)
line is the point? It
would be so lessened
without it... It's just
right as it is..:)
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re: re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 1:31am
In response to dartford's comment-
Try this: "constantly dripping"
Becuz, Well it's not so much that it's not needed, maybe just needing to be rephrased to give it a more steady flow?
Try this: "constantly dripping"
Becuz, Well it's not so much that it's not needed, maybe just needing to be rephrased to give it a more steady flow?
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re: re: re: Re: Apart
Dear Poe, I'm very grateful for your suggestions though I'm not sure if changing the last line to "constantly dripping" might probably alter the sense of what I intended to express? I tried it and am not very happy with it. Perhaps because I'm no native speaker and not aware of all the different possibilities to put my words? I'm brooding about it ...
Hahaha! You know what I did? Left out the "the" and put in the "constantly dripping". That's why it sounded so bad!
Hahaha! You know what I did? Left out the "the" and put in the "constantly dripping". That's why it sounded so bad!
re: re: re: re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 11:01am
lol it's ok sweetness, it's your thoughts n work
Mine was just a suggestion lol...luv u :)
Mine was just a suggestion lol...luv u :)
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re: re: re: re: re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 5:45pm
Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 1:14am
re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 7:20am
Such a lovely comment, candencecollapsing! I'm so glad that you like the feel ... That's what we hope to achieve in readers, to reach them. Thank you so much!
Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 5:16am
re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 7:24am
Thank you, John, I always appreciate your welcome words. I don't know how many it will take ... But the constant dripping will probably lead to success.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 11:57pm
8th Oct 2013 2:52pm
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re: Re: Apart
8th Oct 2013 5:50pm
Thank you so much, Tom! I'm honored by your kind words! And you're right: Words often might melt the ice or pervade any armors, much more than tears ...
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 00:16am
8th Oct 2013 11:10pm
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![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Apart
9th Oct 2013 7:50am
Time is patient,
but are people?
Waiting eons for a
stony heart to soften?
Thank you so much, J. for your
insightful words!
but are people?
Waiting eons for a
stony heart to soften?
Thank you so much, J. for your
insightful words!
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 9:39pm
9th Oct 2013 6:20am
<< post removed >>
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
re: Re: Apart
9th Oct 2013 7:47am
I was thinking more of a stony heart, a barrier between two people. The one who wants to love and be loved and the other one who will not allow that ... You're right, the one who loves will be left with a bleeding heart.
re: Re: Apart
9th Oct 2013 8:14pm
Re: Apart
10th Oct 2013 11:00pm
My heart was like a stone for many years...until finally that drip drip dripping you speak of cut a large groove through it. Things didn't work out, & I bled profusely, but, in the end, I am happy to have felt something again. It is necessary to feel vulnerable on occasion. Wonderfully thought-provoking minimalism, straight from the heart.
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re: Re: Apart
And seemingly straight
into your heart.
I'm glad that
a constant dripping
finally cracked your stony shell.
And I'm also glad that my poem
encouraged you to talk
about your feelings.
Thank you very much!
And for your lovely words, too.
into your heart.
I'm glad that
a constant dripping
finally cracked your stony shell.
And I'm also glad that my poem
encouraged you to talk
about your feelings.
Thank you very much!
And for your lovely words, too.