Old Souls

Everyone treats their age in a typically nerotic way. As if it's something to run from, deny, embrace...as if it was more than just impossibly never ending tumbling forward...unless it's not. The thing about getting to be my age is you have a keener sense of responsibility. By this point- you know there is no time left for fucking around...and after any amount of time (my aries stuborness kicked this into high gear) even the desire to slow down dissolves. ironically. slowing down is the only way one may truly gain any speed. That's the point I am at right now. Slowing Down. Rejuvination. I will be grounded and solid and very much in control so that my flames will neither flicker out and burn nor entice a moth (or anything more) to follow. Yup. When you're this old you can't really speak out of prose any longer. Sometimes its embarassing. But. On the other hand...you are already entirely familiar with all the ulgy words; their manifest so obvious. Your tongue and your ear have no more time for small talk. You want it deep and heavy or not any at all. When you're my age you come to understand the rhythms of the body. the cycle the tumble the crumble...and in rebirth that penetrating necessary patience as you grow into a vessel even half capable of a decent thought. The old souls are always being hunted/hidden/veiled. It took seventeen years this time before I even got a tiny peek outside. And despite entropy I focus all of my energy on keeping that light on so I can continue to observe a place where I have so easily attained heaven. But then the light goes out. And all of a sudden I am just another twenty one year old chick wading out into a huge fucking pool and everyone is going off the high dive while I'm still watching from the showers. But when you are this old- you know better. Eventually you come around. And the sooner the better because there is plenty. to be done. You know what's coming. And you never know how long you'll stay down before you resurface; if you do and into what. So there is little choice. You treat your body as if it exists in ancient scrolls of tissue paper. You are constantly asking people to take your gift, and as a consequence the tissue paper gets ripped..but you need them to know what exsists on the other side....is exactly the same as what's looking in. So maybe we have no idea what it means to act our age.