deepundergroundpoetry.com
Batman
We were young --- maybe 11 years old.
I wasn't ever one of the cool people --
I was always some kind of skinny, odd,
semi-intelligent outsider
who somehow did NOT have
that "Bully-come-fuck-me-up" gene.
There was this kid in our bunk who just happened
to be fat. And at that particular point of his
life, he really was a total dick. The absolute
last person you wanted to share eternity in hell with.
He got picked on all the time. He was so immature. --
When he got extremely upset he`d start crying and raving
like a lunatic -- it was fucking hilarious,
so everyone would LOVE to get him riled.
At his most flustered, he`d scream
"You fucking Bitches" -
but for some reason, it would come out like
"Fucking Bishes" -- like the "J"
in french -- you know -- Jean ---
"You Fucking Bijshes!!!!!" --
God, we couldnt get enough of it.
Well - one night , my miniscule pre-prubescent
heart felt the slightest pang of sympathy
for him. I went over to his bunk bed and actually talked
to him as if he were a genuine human being.
He was on the top bunk. We were chatting away fairly
normally -- but suddenly, I got that vague
whiff of shit -- you ever get that?
It`s like I can detect a
microscopic piece of dog shit on the bottom
of my sneaker. I guess its due to having
a huge Semitic Schnozz. Whatever.....
But I was standing there, and it became more than
vague -- it was becoming overpowering.
I looked on his bed and yelled "Oh my god, there's SHIT on
his socks!!!"
Ewwww -- and there WAS! -- I guess cause he was fat, he`d
be too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom to wipe
his Ass, so he`d just take a sock and wipe it, and leave it on his bed.
"Theres SHIT on his sock, THEREs SHIT on his sock!!!"
Everyone was going bonkers. He went over the edge..
"Drivel, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BIJJES" --
Then he jumped off his bunk and went after me. He was a
pretty big dude -- probably strong too -- but a totally
out-of-control wuss, and frankly just, well, pathetic.
I punched him lightly in the face a couple of times,
but realized he was so disgusting, I did not want to
grapple with him. I didn't want to end up with his shit and his piss and his God-knows-what all over me.....
So I grabbed a broom handle -- I didn't hit him with it,
I just kind of held him at bay, you know,
like an Elephant tamer with a chair.
We danced this glorious Kabalevsky ballet
while the counselors rushed in. At this point,
it was obvious that HE was going after me ---
so , of course HE got in trouble.
Well -- this was just too much for him to bear, so
he just sobbed and sobbed, screaming, "You fucking bijjes, Fucking bijjes" as the counselor dragged his ass out of the cabin to detention.
Yeah -- not one of my proudest moments --
but to my bunkmates -- I was fuckin` BATMAN.
I wasn't ever one of the cool people --
I was always some kind of skinny, odd,
semi-intelligent outsider
who somehow did NOT have
that "Bully-come-fuck-me-up" gene.
There was this kid in our bunk who just happened
to be fat. And at that particular point of his
life, he really was a total dick. The absolute
last person you wanted to share eternity in hell with.
He got picked on all the time. He was so immature. --
When he got extremely upset he`d start crying and raving
like a lunatic -- it was fucking hilarious,
so everyone would LOVE to get him riled.
At his most flustered, he`d scream
"You fucking Bitches" -
but for some reason, it would come out like
"Fucking Bishes" -- like the "J"
in french -- you know -- Jean ---
"You Fucking Bijshes!!!!!" --
God, we couldnt get enough of it.
Well - one night , my miniscule pre-prubescent
heart felt the slightest pang of sympathy
for him. I went over to his bunk bed and actually talked
to him as if he were a genuine human being.
He was on the top bunk. We were chatting away fairly
normally -- but suddenly, I got that vague
whiff of shit -- you ever get that?
It`s like I can detect a
microscopic piece of dog shit on the bottom
of my sneaker. I guess its due to having
a huge Semitic Schnozz. Whatever.....
But I was standing there, and it became more than
vague -- it was becoming overpowering.
I looked on his bed and yelled "Oh my god, there's SHIT on
his socks!!!"
Ewwww -- and there WAS! -- I guess cause he was fat, he`d
be too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom to wipe
his Ass, so he`d just take a sock and wipe it, and leave it on his bed.
"Theres SHIT on his sock, THEREs SHIT on his sock!!!"
Everyone was going bonkers. He went over the edge..
"Drivel, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BIJJES" --
Then he jumped off his bunk and went after me. He was a
pretty big dude -- probably strong too -- but a totally
out-of-control wuss, and frankly just, well, pathetic.
I punched him lightly in the face a couple of times,
but realized he was so disgusting, I did not want to
grapple with him. I didn't want to end up with his shit and his piss and his God-knows-what all over me.....
So I grabbed a broom handle -- I didn't hit him with it,
I just kind of held him at bay, you know,
like an Elephant tamer with a chair.
We danced this glorious Kabalevsky ballet
while the counselors rushed in. At this point,
it was obvious that HE was going after me ---
so , of course HE got in trouble.
Well -- this was just too much for him to bear, so
he just sobbed and sobbed, screaming, "You fucking bijjes, Fucking bijjes" as the counselor dragged his ass out of the cabin to detention.
Yeah -- not one of my proudest moments --
but to my bunkmates -- I was fuckin` BATMAN.
Published 5th Oct 2013
| Edited 6th Oct 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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5th Oct 2013 11:27pm
5th Oct 2013 11:51pm
nicely done. it captures that sociopathic pack mentality that is adolescence, especially for boys, without making it too scary.
and who doesn't want to be batman?
and who doesn't want to be batman?
6th Oct 2013 00:09am
6th Oct 2013 5:20am
...this was worthy snorting...and well sometimes we place sympathy thinking ourselves too cruel or harsh beforehand...quick judgment...then You find out...You're guts were right to begin with...some people will never save themselves and wallow...I fancied the elephant tamer bit the most :)
Excellent story Sir!!!
Excellent story Sir!!!
6th Oct 2013 5:52am
7th Oct 2013 6:12am
7th Oct 2013 6:20am