Apologies from Someone who Needs to Shut the Fuck up

Dammit.
Dammit.
Dammit.

If I say anything,
open my mouth for even
a second, somebody
gets hurt.

And I can't help it.

It's not like I'm
oblivious to people's
feelings. I try my best
to be aware of
the emotions of the
people I care about.

And I try so hard to
be there for them.

But, once again,
I've fucked up.
Maybe I really should
just sew my mouth
shut.

This black hole in my
face has done nothing
but cause myself and
everyone around me to
hate me.

And I fully understand
why.

Regretting almost
every word you've
ever spoken should
not be a typical thing
for me. Or for anyone.

But the worst things
come out the second
I open my mouth.

Somehow, the things
I didn't want to tell
anyone, lies, insults,
bubble up to my lips
whenever I want to
speak.

And it isn't me.

It's like my voice box
is attached by puppet
strings to someone
who wants to ruin my
life.

Some sadist who laughs
when I make others
cry.

And I hate it.

I can't control it.

Sometimes I feel like
the world would be a
better place if I lost
the ability to speak.

If someone could tear
out my vocal chords
and then use them as
a noose to kill me.

That's what I feel like
when I accidentally
speak like a knife
and stab you where it
hurts most.

I just want you to
know that I'm
sorry.

I'm sorry for all the
pain I've caused
everyone.