dont beat yourself up about it

6 am in the middle of my sleep i awoke to the sound of a break in,
a shadow figure id seen before, it was the death of my favorite song,
safety lies in numbers, and right now I'm all alone
i think back to the foot of the alter, i must have said the written prayer wrong

when he attacked me i stood still, i didn't care about the punches
what hurt the most was that the figure has no face but i can still see my reflection
the death of the will, is the death of the creature
he wanted me to die in pain, he didn't say, but his fists gave me that impression

no knives, no pistols, and i had both of mine in reach
i just determined to lie perfectly still, as this beating continued
he chokes me then lets me breathe, and makes it all happen again
"you're killing me" i say with a smile, he must know what im into

im dragged to the back of the room and kicked against the wall
i have nothing to breathe but blood, so i guess get used to it.
propped up in the corner, like a wonderful punishment
he kicks me to cave my chest in.

he has to stop when touch my face, to see all the blood ive lost
i stiffen up so he can keep going, id apologize but its unspoken
he grabs for my knife and taunts me with its edge
i never bothered to scream or stop him, i was already broken

his lips tremble close to mine, his speech seasoned with salt
he heads straight for my head wound, and rubs the fire in
the cold anger in his voice could burn my skin at inches
his whisper scratches like a monster, the word "traitor", then nothing.

i cant wake up from this dream
and its more real than it seems
so as i check myself for signs
i see my soul is what has died

i hope, ill be revived.