I Know I'm Better Than This

Why I do the things I do.
Act like I don't care.
Pretend I don't know the truth.
When it's right here, right here in my head.
See everyone has battles that they fight within themselves.
The winner of mine is constantly changing
all in all myself I cannot help.
For one side is care full,
the other the utmost ruthless.
That very thought wears my mind so,
and leaves me everyday seemingly speaking less.
Thinking of being not only like them,
but much worse.
As I yearn to own the coldest heart.
Be the best among the worst.
I worn myself of the harm,
the pain that wouldn't hurt.
I hold myself from it. Knowing
only a coward would give in; even if it means he die first.