Solitude

My face soaked with tears
I sit here and try to make sense of it all
As I try to get closer to Him,
my guilt increases

I constantly feel inadequate
I’m not sure of anything except that
I’m the worst person in the entire world

I hurt an old friend
As I remember the tears falling from her eyes
the excruciating pain in my chest makes it hard to breathe

I don’t want to sleep
I don’t want to live

I have no one
My heart is breaking in two
How can I recover from all this self-inflicted pain?

Nobody else seems to dwell on the past like me
I hate it so much and I just want to give up

I need to try sleeping all of this off
Sleeping usually helps
My room is a mess –
I’ll clean it another day

I love God and I hope He won’t judge me
I know everyone else would if they knew how desperate I've become

I feel that one day I will have to tell the world everything
Perform the ultimate self-sacrifice
It’s the only way I can live with myself

I’ve turned into a fake

God, please help me heal
Help me feel your love because right now,
I feel so far away from you

I feel like you will never forgive me
I feel like I’m not good enough!

Why can’t I let go of anything anymore?
Why am I suffering?
Please
You are the only one I have left

I’m sorry for what I've done
Please
Forgive me
Please
Help me to forgive my enemies and myself

Thank you for showing me the light again
Amen