2 Poems (Alone, Suicide Note)

                                                      Alone
I am alone in a room full of people
Alone standing there hating who I am
"Balisha, you weren't this way a while ago,
what happened"
So many things
You don't want to know
Rape
Drugs
Abuse
Lost broken and forgotten promises
Disorders
Institutions
So many feelings
They have become a part of my heart
People don't really care
Which is truly fair
Why should they
They don't know me
Years I have stood on the Earth
ALONE
Sometimes I hold my tears in
No one will understand
Sometimes wishing I was dead
Is absurd
Sometimes I merely wish I could just get away
From EVERYTHING
My body is so weak
Depression overwhelms me
Sleep and pain is sometimes my only relief
God has become one of my only beliefs
There is only one thing that really bothers me
The simple fact that I don't know
What makes me hurt the way I do
Sure I figure out why
But my thoughts are so clustered
Long talks with God
Push me through
That's why I make it through the day


                                                  Suicide Note
To those who understand
Thank you
To those who don't
Damn you
To those who loved me
I'm sorry
Please Lord
Forgive me
My heart is weary
I have cried enough rivers
I have climbed enough mountains
They say don't give
You may never know how close you are
Well obviously I ain't close enough
My body is weak
Agonizing pain
I took the knife and the gun
I made a decision
Right?
You can still hear my mother scream
Deep into the night