Growing Up?

Remember when we were young?
Had no cares and nothing to worry about?
Just our friends and family
Outdoors and video games and anime and cartoons
Then we slowly all grew up
All except those that couldn't handle it
Or for some unforeseen circumstance didn't get to
Then we became what people call "Adults"
I don't know about you
But I still don't know what an adult is
Maybe it's when we lose our innocence
That freedom we held onto when we were young
See I lost my innocence when I was 8
When I watched my parents break up
Standing in the snow listening
To them cry and yell from the door
Not understanding really what I was hearing
I just remember leaving with my dad
At that young of age I learned nothing lasts forever
That I was lied to all growing up by falseness
Then one day my dad decided he wanted a new family
That didn't include me, I don't think he ever wanted me
I quickly understood how there are so many fucked up kids
Teens who are so lost that they can't comprehend
Comprehend what love is or happiness
I understood why people take their lives..
Feeling like you were never wanted
I was one of them, lost all of us to the sea
This fucking teen who needed nothing more than guidance
I had no idea how to act around a girl
I was never taught, only taught that things could end
No idea how to be a man because I never had one as a role model
I remember I told my grandmother I wanted to get a job
To feel like I was actually doing something
She looked at me and said "What for?"
Those words stuck with me forever
What for..I guess to give the illusion I was growing up
I was confused beyond words
Too afraid to go back to my mother
Because I felt like I fucking abandoned her
I dated my first girlfriend when I was 18
Most of my friends were already dating by then
Or lost their virginity
I had no clue what I was doing and it went bad
I became afraid of the inevitable end
I eventually figured it out though
I dated a girl I was happy with
But I think she had the same problem as me
Because we scared the fuck out of each other
Then I turned 24 and still have no clue what I'm doing
But I did everything on my own, school, moving, girlfriends
Maybe that was my growing up
An independent without ever trying to be one
I still can't face my father
I see no point, he owes me nothing
The slightest change in a childhood can be so drastic
I'm scared to ever have children
For fear of what could happen in their lives
I know I could never leave them
This all made me who I am today
Don't let the pain take you
I came so close to losing to it
But it gets better
We are all together
We are all grown up...