Grudge Harbor

I have watched myself die for the longest time.
Sitting around chewing my fingertips off.
This whole smoke and mirrors game had started off as fun.
But I am afraid it's time to put it to bed.
A scream from underneath my mental frame,
'Let me out, let me out,
Why can't we just be friends?'
But make no mistake,
the weather inside my head takes a sudden turn,
and after the crash, you'll learn
This was no accident.
My throat was ruined,
and at such a young age, too.
Cauterized lungs, burnt to heal,
burnt to fix the damage, as I try to mend.
What happened to my weekend friends?
A dashing year or so, then I knew no more.
Losing faith, I'm given a chance
to confront the demons in charge,
and I think we should ask ourselves
where our royalties lay.
Shaking hands,
and exchanging crooked glances
Just to feel like a hollowed handful of clay.
Misery and self loathing
Come back to haunt me,
and revoke me of my place.
Holidays can keep me content,
Until I remember that there's no such thing.