deepundergroundpoetry.com
Iced Afflictions.
The fading laughters, the hallucinations,
the weeping soul, dried tears,
traces of pessimism, hues of optimism.
I wished, i cried
I lived , i died.
The gravity of thought, the element of omen,
the unsaid words, the broken promises.
the shattered dreams, the ringing bells.
I saw, i broke
I fell, i rose.
The blood stained dagger, those piercing eyes,
the dilemma of existence, the fight for survival,
the trembling baritone, the silent wish.
I felt, i spoke
I believed, i wrote..
the weeping soul, dried tears,
traces of pessimism, hues of optimism.
I wished, i cried
I lived , i died.
The gravity of thought, the element of omen,
the unsaid words, the broken promises.
the shattered dreams, the ringing bells.
I saw, i broke
I fell, i rose.
The blood stained dagger, those piercing eyes,
the dilemma of existence, the fight for survival,
the trembling baritone, the silent wish.
I felt, i spoke
I believed, i wrote..
Published 15th Dec 2010
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comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
9th Feb 2011 5:12pm
All comments (until now) went to your dark poem, and it's good, but this one is very well written, and your best in my opinion. I think this poem came more from your mind and the creativity in it is well done.
12th Feb 2011 10:29am
I'm glad you took time to review my work. The appreciation is pretty much encouraging ! :)
alright, so definitly i really like how most of this poem is a contrast of black and white.
each line is almost a paradox,
and although i do understand that such things are left open ended, i feel as if this poem is unfinished.
the ending line, although im aware it is meant to be unfinished, lacks the idea of being complete at all.
its like killing a climax, but not in a good way?
The dead lock kind of idea that seems to be carried through out the duration of the poem appears to be completely disreguarded.
either way, i enjoy this prose.
good job = )
each line is almost a paradox,
and although i do understand that such things are left open ended, i feel as if this poem is unfinished.
the ending line, although im aware it is meant to be unfinished, lacks the idea of being complete at all.
its like killing a climax, but not in a good way?
The dead lock kind of idea that seems to be carried through out the duration of the poem appears to be completely disreguarded.
either way, i enjoy this prose.
good job = )
19th Feb 2011 10:04am
Hmm.. I'm sort of getting your point. It does makes sense to me.
So what could be a more exciting end to the poem ?
Like an intresting climax would be.. ??
Anyways.. Thanks for your appreciation. :)
So what could be a more exciting end to the poem ?
Like an intresting climax would be.. ??
Anyways.. Thanks for your appreciation. :)
19th Feb 2011 6:54pm