Who are you again?

Time is the greatest healer they say… heh, yeah sure,
You’ve been absent for years and it only seems to hurt more,
Even remembering the good times causes my heart to fatten,
My eyes begin to fill with tears of disappointment; I let this happen,
I don’t like who you have become, in fact, I loathe the ‘new’ you,
It seems as though you’ve forgotten who you are, the person I once knew,
You’re spiteful, aggressive, manipulative and a compulsive liar,
You lie to cover up a lie, build a life of lies and that will soon backfire,
You cannot keep relying on me to bail you out, to play along,
Because I’m getting fed up of your antics and if you think that I’ll continue – you thought wrong,

I know that you’ve become acquainted with your good ol’ friend once again,
The one that abducted you from the start, the one that caused us all pain,
But you only care for yourself and your new acquaintance, that’s the main issue here,
You don’t notice the pain you inflict on me or anyone else, you don’t share our common fear,
The fear that we’ll lose you once again, the fear that you won’t return to us,
But seeing as though you don’t care anymore, these fears we cannot discuss,

Instead we have to pretend that we haven’t acknowledged your sudden conversion,
Pretend that we still see the ‘old’ you – the better version,
I know we should love you for you and that we shouldn’t judge,
I know you have your reasons, but I hate it because it’s you I love,
It pains me to see you this way, knowing that you can easily revert,
Knowing that you can come back to us, stop this hurt,
But how can I help someone who refuses to listen?
For I cannot force them into anything, it’s an impossible mission,

I guess I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t love you as much as I do, It’d be easier if I didn’t give a damn,
But that’s not how it works for us is it? You’re my blood, you’re my mum,
Can’t you see what it’s doing to us, your family?
It tears each of us apart – each in a different way,
Me? I’ve become more ashamed of you, frightened of what you’ll do next,
My sisters? They seem not to care, but I know, that about you, they fret,
Nan and Granddad? They worry and wonder what they did wrong,
When in reality, this was you all along,

You chose to lead your life this way, for a reason I may never know,
And although, I may not agree with your lifestyle, I will always love you though,
There are days where I see snippets of the woman I once knew- these moments I cherish and adore,
Because I don’t know how often they’ll occur or if there will be any more,
There are full days where I meet the old you once again, so I know you still exist,
But I must admit defeat now as, again, you’ve started to drift,
Drift towards the person you promised you wouldn’t be,
And it hurts to witness this, but I guess you feel free,
Or maybe not, maybe you feel trapped in some way,
And you need your acquaintance to save the day,

I will never know the real reason; I’m too scared to ask,
You don’t know that I know about your acquaintance and that I can see behind your mask,
If you knew, I’m scared that I’ll lose you for good,
Scared that you’ll become ashamed and depressed, I know you would,
It’s who you are; you’re scared of what the truth will bring,
And so you continue to conceal the truth and, to these lies, you cling,

I do accept you for who you are because, besides my best efforts, you won’t return,
I still love you, I can’t help it, it’s unconditional and, to this, I’m sworn,
It’s all part of being family – the love-hate relationship I mean,
But it doesn’t change what you are to me, you’re my mum – I have your genes.