Deception

Deception....
Such an ugly fucking word, yet it occurs every day in numerous ways

Nasty, disgusting is the word and its meaning. It's demeaning to those it happens to. It can happen to anyone. Even you!

It hits you like a ton of bricks once it exists in any relationship.

It grinds my gears when the fear of being deceived perceives my mind and body. Turns me into somebody I do not want to be. Paranoid, extremely annoyed, allowing myself to be toyed with even while the deception exists. Dealing with this fucked up dysfunctional companionship got me majorly twisted. But I've been through this deceptive existence before.

I look at myself and see what the deceptions have done to me. Baggy eyes, sad face, spirit erased from my beautiful face. But I am also guilty of deception. Deception of myself. How I view my companion is deceptive. I see this meaningful relationship yet that is bullshit. I deal with the hits to  my heart because I deceptively believe that no one can tear us apart.

My heart beats the blood of blindness, and I breathe the naive.

The notion that my paranoid emotions are irrelevant when in fact they are greatly relevant.
I felt like my companionship was Heaven sent, but it's more Hell bent.

But I must remember, this is a vent because in the end, this heart will always beat...differently.