Reunion

i enter the room and take my place on my knees before You
my chin is up and my eyes are cast downward
my nervous movements stilled by Your very presence

You slowly stroke my hair, run the back of your fingers down my cheek
Your touch is ever so gentle
Your affection evident in your tenderness

i draw in a deep breath at the feel of Your hand on me
my mind fills with memories of what that hand has done to me
my heart races in anticipation of what it will do to me soon

Your voice is soft and quiet
“I am so pleased to see you, little one.”
“I’ve missed my girl greatly.”

My spirit lifts to new heights at your words
“Your little one’s days are dark without You, my Saint.”
“Your little one is complete now that You are here.”

You sit quietly, savoring the first few minutes of our reunion
Your inner darkness begins to rise
Your touch turns into His touch

i close my eyes and relish the starting moments of transformation
my desire is drawn to the surface
my need to please You and Him grows stronger

You chuckle softly and it is His laughter that echoes in my ears
Your Monster is rattling the bars of His cage once more
Your Monster will soon demand what He knows is His

i will myself to calm, overcoming expectations and the strains of fear
my focus must be You, Your will, Your needs
my own desires, my own wants, are no longer important

You stand and look down at where i remain, unmoving, waiting for You
“Come now, little one. Daddy wants to play.”
“You know what to do”

i rise as quickly and gracefully as I can given my frame of mind
i cross the room, remove and set aside my clothes
i assume the position and await the first blows with peace in my soul