Depression.

I don't know if I can find the right words to say; but sometimes i just want to run away.
My lifes no longer bad; so why the fuck do I still feel sad??
Sometimes i break down & cry; because I realize that everything I know is a lie.
Every word that goes through my mind; reminds me of what I left behind.
When the anxiety comes & takes over my life; It makes me wish I never snatched the knife.
The horrible thoughts of my old idol; make me sad & suicidal.
Will I be punished for all of my sins? Will I ever get over this battle within??
Am I going to hell? It's what I deserve. Or is this my chance to find God & serve?
I'm finally sober; My sadness should be over.
But, still this depression, seems to be my bestfriend.

If someone has answers, tell me how it should be; Can you help me get this sadness outside of me??