Selfish thought

Life gets to me, I may not show it the same way as the next person but I feel more than broken at times.
Some times I wish I could drown my self and my pain in drugs and booz but even in the past when I have it's only numbs me for a moment not long enough to forget my life.
I wouldn't even be capable of it, I lack the time for that kind of leisure so caught up in everything else I have to do. Im selfish in even hosting the idea.