MKULTRA : white rat perspective

One day I went and placed myself in danger;
it's a trip I had to take to see the edge.
Though madness and I were never strangers,
I always knew I'm quick enough to just be dead.
Voices said:

“I am you,
you are mine.”
A cold equation: one for many is no crime.
“I am you.
You are mine.”
All things given may be taken in due time.

They numbered me, then ground my lens to prisms:
drug induced.  All patterned reasoning collides
with unfocused noise: a mental vandalism.
I seek the spectrum ordered highway I can ride.
Voices cried:

‘I am you
You are mine”
like all the evil things that treat you kind.
“I am you
you are mine.”
Love and hate share common ground in that they're blind.

Curiosity had killed the cat: led this white rat to madness.
In time, questions were answered,
though depatterned, I was left as blind
until that fateful day when the hit man pulled the trigger;
it was then I realized
that smoking gun should’ve been mine.

Covert days say I should slay my secret lover;
for all is fair in love and war.
All she has to do was see the cover,
and sign her life away forevermore.
Voices roar:                    

“I am you,
You are mine!”
We are always out of place and out of time.
“I am you
you are mine!”
We're a monster nonexistent 'til defined:
the un-detonated mind.

“...Mine!”