deepundergroundpoetry.com
8:51
8:51 stares dead-man-unbroken into the back of my eyes,
flashing its electronic message in jagged blinks.
Medicine spoons rattle in their draws in response
to my pattering of feet, eager as the devil.
The air carries traces of decay; if you dared to follow
along glass stems dotted with saliva's braille,
beside blood smearing the bruised horizon,
you'd see the death in every morning.
I prefer not to look.
Rock and Roll drums a heavy beat into the walls,
blaring out into the beaks of song birds.
They're all singing the same old truth.
Singing of the child with the hopeless eyes
with the feet that ran the worn path to nowhere.
Who built his kingdom out of the knowledge he gained
from story books, only to light the match and burn it down;
bedtime grieving covered in money signs and blotched with stress.
The clock tick tocks louder, and louder, and louder,
until only silence remains.
8:52 I skip the spoon and go for the bottle, sinking into the day.
Thoughtlessly I slip into my persona with a sigh;
smiling, laughing, but not being.
Just the way I should be.
flashing its electronic message in jagged blinks.
Medicine spoons rattle in their draws in response
to my pattering of feet, eager as the devil.
The air carries traces of decay; if you dared to follow
along glass stems dotted with saliva's braille,
beside blood smearing the bruised horizon,
you'd see the death in every morning.
I prefer not to look.
Rock and Roll drums a heavy beat into the walls,
blaring out into the beaks of song birds.
They're all singing the same old truth.
Singing of the child with the hopeless eyes
with the feet that ran the worn path to nowhere.
Who built his kingdom out of the knowledge he gained
from story books, only to light the match and burn it down;
bedtime grieving covered in money signs and blotched with stress.
The clock tick tocks louder, and louder, and louder,
until only silence remains.
8:52 I skip the spoon and go for the bottle, sinking into the day.
Thoughtlessly I slip into my persona with a sigh;
smiling, laughing, but not being.
Just the way I should be.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 1
comments 22
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: 8:51
First. ;)
"Who built his kingdom out of the knowledge he gained
from story books, only to light the match and burn it down;"
Very good!
"Who built his kingdom out of the knowledge he gained
from story books, only to light the match and burn it down;"
Very good!
1
re: Re: 8:51
14th Jun 2013 8:44pm
re: re: Re: 8:51
Re: 8:51
A complex poem with tight control over the short statements/sentences suggesting suppressed emotion yet the adjectives/possessives indicating emotion driving to break out (saliva's braille, bruised horizon, hopeless eyes).
And then the central two lines which bring all into focus "Singing of the child with hopeless eyes
with feet that ran the worn path to nowhere".
It is a great achievement as a whole. The only slight quibble be is that it is a little overloaded with images so it needs to be read two or three times.
And then the central two lines which bring all into focus "Singing of the child with hopeless eyes
with feet that ran the worn path to nowhere".
It is a great achievement as a whole. The only slight quibble be is that it is a little overloaded with images so it needs to be read two or three times.
1
re: Re: 8:51
15th Jun 2013 7:56am
Thank you, marthard!
I know it's a little cluttered,
i'm working on simplifying it :)
I know it's a little cluttered,
i'm working on simplifying it :)
Re: 8:51
14th Jun 2013 9:37pm
I adore Your overloaded=images Dear Scribbler- and part of the fun for me in "GREAT" writes is seeing just how many angles I can read such a write--This was classic scribbler wit--but a deep one indeed-and the contentment in the end...they aren't always often in the world...so Brava to that I say as well!!!
Excellent Ink!!!
Excellent Ink!!!
1
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 00:09am
14th Jun 2013 10:59pm
<< post removed >>
Re: 8:51
Anonymous
15th Jun 2013 4:19am
I can't do anything but shake my head in astonishment!
You're just that good, Scribbler!
Wonderful Read! Xo
Pens Up~
You're just that good, Scribbler!
Wonderful Read! Xo
Pens Up~
1
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 5:40pm
15th Jun 2013 4:33am
<< post removed >>
re: Re: 8:51
15th Jun 2013 7:59am
Re: 8:51
15th Jun 2013 11:48am
Well, I followed, and I like it, but if you simplify it, I will be very interested to see the result.
Damn, just... you get me excited about words!
:)
Damn, just... you get me excited about words!
:)
1
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jun 2019 9:40pm
15th Jun 2013 3:50pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Apr 2019 9:40pm
15th Jun 2013 8:06pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd Sep 2019 11:37pm
15th Jun 2013 8:24pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 7:37pm
16th Jun 2013 3:19am
<< post removed >>
Re: 8:51
30th Jun 2013 4:18am
all and all this is fantastic
but you really stole my heart with this line
"The air carries traces of decay;"
but you really stole my heart with this line
"The air carries traces of decay;"
1
Re: 8:51
18th Jul 2013 7:02pm