deepundergroundpoetry.com
October
I sink into an October mindset, the universe dissolving
into fragments of gold, brown, and red, and red, and red.
Caffeine stained days pass without hindrance, I’ll live tomorrow.
Eyes are the window to the soul, though when I look in the mirror
my pupils are always encased in a saturated darkness.
The sun doesn't rise in there,
and who can blame her?
I woke cold, with the door swinging comically wide open.
Relief, fear, anger, disappointment.
Him, again.
He comes when he wishes, sometimes unwelcome,
never caring too much.
Familiar. My familiar.
His chest rests sunken, the ship wrecked eternally,
no unearthing this one up from the corals.
Clutching a cup of tea with disconcerting strength,
he made eye contact with me, his irises alight.
"Go away, go away, go away"
And then he left.
They said with saddened faces, drooped with practiced ease:
"It's a normal stage of mourning, dear".
The months and years passed, and he never visited.
Come back, come back, come back
Gold, and brown, filtering out of the landscape,
leaving red, and red, and red.
into fragments of gold, brown, and red, and red, and red.
Caffeine stained days pass without hindrance, I’ll live tomorrow.
Eyes are the window to the soul, though when I look in the mirror
my pupils are always encased in a saturated darkness.
The sun doesn't rise in there,
and who can blame her?
I woke cold, with the door swinging comically wide open.
Relief, fear, anger, disappointment.
Him, again.
He comes when he wishes, sometimes unwelcome,
never caring too much.
Familiar. My familiar.
His chest rests sunken, the ship wrecked eternally,
no unearthing this one up from the corals.
Clutching a cup of tea with disconcerting strength,
he made eye contact with me, his irises alight.
"Go away, go away, go away"
And then he left.
They said with saddened faces, drooped with practiced ease:
"It's a normal stage of mourning, dear".
The months and years passed, and he never visited.
Come back, come back, come back
Gold, and brown, filtering out of the landscape,
leaving red, and red, and red.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 2
comments 26
reads 135
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: October
8th Jun 2013 10:10pm
Entered into the river of salt competition,
this was my attempt at sad, wrote itself,
take what you wish from it :)
this was my attempt at sad, wrote itself,
take what you wish from it :)
Anonymous
- Edited 11th May 2018 9:36pm
8th Jun 2013 10:25pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: October
9th Jun 2013 7:11am
That made me laugh, I wasn't aiming down the rapist route.
Thank you for your comment :)
Thank you for your comment :)
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 00:09am
8th Jun 2013 10:38pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 7:37pm
8th Jun 2013 10:50pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: October
9th Jun 2013 7:25am
It was supposed to represent the stages of
mourning after you lose someone you love.
But that's a really good idea!
Thank you, chilli :)
mourning after you lose someone you love.
But that's a really good idea!
Thank you, chilli :)
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd Sep 2019 11:37pm
9th Jun 2013 3:54am
<< post removed >>
Re: October
9th Jun 2013 4:02am
Re: October
9th Jun 2013 4:33am
Wonderful write Dear Scribbler, witty as always;)
A story told indeed!!!
Good luck in the comp.!!!
A story told indeed!!!
Good luck in the comp.!!!
1
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 9:39pm
9th Jun 2013 5:45am
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jun 2019 9:40pm
9th Jun 2013 6:55am
<< post removed >>
Re: October
9th Jun 2013 9:06am
A very clever poem with an astonishing ending. Your judgement is absolutely perfect in moving to a different style and pace after reaching a peak in your last poem of a very different type.
For me what is most impressive is the structure and development through the three stanzas- a wave of two peaks and a trough. The repetition of red, red, red cements that superbly.
For me what is most impressive is the structure and development through the three stanzas- a wave of two peaks and a trough. The repetition of red, red, red cements that superbly.
1
re: Re: October
9th Jun 2013 9:15am
Thank you, marthard, your comments are too
kind in regard to my poetic skill :)
kind in regard to my poetic skill :)
Re: October
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Jun 2013 8:24pm
12th Jun 2013 8:23pm
Let me just say, "You are so dang gifted!" You have a way with bringing your ink to life!
I marvel at your talent!
This was Incredible! Xoxo
Pen Love~
I marvel at your talent!
This was Incredible! Xoxo
Pen Love~
1
re: Re: October
13th Jun 2013 5:40pm
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 5:40pm
13th Jun 2013 8:10pm
<< post removed >>
Re: October
15th Jul 2013 9:34pm
i've probably told you this before, i find my self saying it to a few people on here, but it is not just dreck i type up in a half conscious phase, i really mean it,
but i find it so hard to say anything about your work, because its so frickin gooood!!! i mean if i commented on everyone of your poems, i would sound like a broken record "oh this is great" "fantastic write" "poetic and well written"
i can't think of anything original to tell you about how good your work is, so bare in there with me =].
this poem is just that
great, fantastic, poetic, well, written, all of it, really enjoy reading you
keep them coming
and thanks for always taking the time to comment on my stuff as well
=].
but i find it so hard to say anything about your work, because its so frickin gooood!!! i mean if i commented on everyone of your poems, i would sound like a broken record "oh this is great" "fantastic write" "poetic and well written"
i can't think of anything original to tell you about how good your work is, so bare in there with me =].
this poem is just that
great, fantastic, poetic, well, written, all of it, really enjoy reading you
keep them coming
and thanks for always taking the time to comment on my stuff as well
=].
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