Better to burn out

Nicely written, threads of sadness mixed within. Great write:)

Miss Lily
Welcome to my humble abode, thank you for visiting and leaving your thoughts

Not too bad Eamon, enjoyed the tender rhetoric and the repetition of tried, gives it something genuine.

Fair play to you, keep it up.

Evan,

not my best by any means, gonna be fuckin around with this for a few hours try bring it up to scratch.

appreciate your visit and words man, cheers  

Kitty,

far too kind m'dear, been tinkering with it already, glad you like it and such.

thanks for the visit and kind words

I liked it all I just did not like the ending! It sounded pushed the zombie thing! That's just my opinion though. But if she leaves she will regret it. There is no hugging and fairy tales in this world xoxo

Gigi,

good call, got a bit lazy or something at the end of it, trying to get it right. zombie doesn't really fit. gonna have to sort that out.

thanks lots for the words, shine on

nice

Cheers.

My two cents, you could end it like this:

So go, go now
to where the wind is wildest
and the sparks brightest
neither of us need to settle for this

Overall, it draws on lovely metaphors, an emotive write.

Atakti,

Yep, your ending is a whole lot better than mine , gonna change it soon as I get onto a laptop

Thanks for taking the time to lay it down :)

Carpe ,

Just a little bit more man, I swear

cheers for the visit and words, man

The first stanza absolutely captured me. I feel the fire and the let down of it dying. Love!

Starling

good to see you here, happy to have captured you for a stanza anyway :)

thanks for dropping by and leaving your thoughts  

For more than a stanza, silly. In truth there is more to say, but typing on the phone is limiting. Still I wanted to comment while it was fresh.

Just fuckin with ya missus :)

Craicman...hmm I have been through this a few times, and I am tad torn, and i'll tell you why: (haha, that sounded funny to me, I would never speak like that)
anyhow, this thing is little nonchalant, bit sweet, and very simple. Which, as a poem, I almost think too simple. For example, the first line repeating of "and I've tried", I think that the repetition dulls the edge of the sentiment, and should start with "I've tried.." right into it, no "and"...BUT- the repeating does give a folky sing song quality to it which the simplification, and sweetness would be highlighted and make total sense in that regard.... so I guess I am tad torn in the voice that I am hearing...seems a bit too humble as a "poem" (and yes that is wide open, I am comparing this to other writes, where it is clear that you can pinpoint and use more complex language to convey ideas), but as a folky song, the humbleness is spot on... I hope this made some sense...cheers Lep, and I trust that your physical well being is back up to snuff?

Barron o'Light  
 
yeah, it feels odd typing a way we'd not normally speak.
 
I understand exactly where you're coming from here, I think there's a couple of reasons for the different things you've pointed out.
 
I wrote this for Jack's Free-verse comp so tried the repetitive thing at the start, I could move it down a bit without too much bother I think.
 
The nonchalance might be because I'm still unsure about how I feel about the content and thus maybe there's a lack of conviction showing through too.  
 
either way, there's some work to be done here but  I reckon I can polish it up a little bit more over the next couple of hours.
 
delighted to have your eyes and thoughts on this Mr Barron. thank you kindly sir.  


physical well being pretty good man, cheers  

Miss Minou,

glad to have struck a chord, before the tinkering it read worse :}  

yes, I agree,  thank you muchly for dropping in and leaving your thoughts    

Eamon, this was different for you and its simplicity spoke volumes for me.

I will check for an update since you feel the need to tinker with it.

Hugs to you ole chum.  

Kym me ol' flower

different is good, never been one to try stay in the same niche for too long. yeah still a small bit of the tinkering to be done, don't hold your breath though, the initial burst of creativity has all but fizzled out.

great to see you knocking about, thanks for the visit and words kind Lady    

A love poem with real depth, perspective and originality- that's some achievement.

Marthard,

good of you to say kind sir, and thank you for dropping by and leaving some words

It's one of those poems you just have to love! It's beautifully written and a heartfelt poem. It almost forces its readers to relate to it. Well done cheeky CC.

Ophie,

loving it ain't mandatory but it sure helps with the swelling of ones head, as do the rest of your kind but totally on point wods

delighted to have you drop in miss

sad but beautiful as well
such a good job

Thank you kindly for the words and visit miz deborah

now, I see my own eyes have dulled    
and I'm saddened by the sight of them.. i have truly lost sight of why i loved this place until today. you were my first here..lol. and now i remember why the light in my eyes still shine. so very unselfish and beautifully tamed. bows sir.

 Devil woman

ahh, you touch me with your warmth and passion for my words missus,

thanks for dripping by and leaving your thoughts  

Crims

you're far too kind, pretty lady

thank you for dropping in and leaving your thoughts


..and apologies for missing your comment

This reminds me of a Neil Young song with these lines:
It's better to burn out than to fade away!

We all experience the same feelings every now and then, but you captured your feeling so eloquently.

I enjoyed the read as I can relate...