deepundergroundpoetry.com
Everything's so Wrong
I screamed but no
one heard. No one
even looked up
from their lives for
one fucking moment to
see what was wrong
with me. The truth
is, and they
probably already
know this, is that
everything is wrong
with me.
Breathing is wrong when
it's my lungs taking
air from everyone else.
Eating is wrong when
someone starving would
appreciate it so much more.
Being me is wrong because
I don't deserve the life
I live or the things
I have. Everything
feels so wrong to
me lately.
The only thing that
feels right anymore
is you.
one heard. No one
even looked up
from their lives for
one fucking moment to
see what was wrong
with me. The truth
is, and they
probably already
know this, is that
everything is wrong
with me.
Breathing is wrong when
it's my lungs taking
air from everyone else.
Eating is wrong when
someone starving would
appreciate it so much more.
Being me is wrong because
I don't deserve the life
I live or the things
I have. Everything
feels so wrong to
me lately.
The only thing that
feels right anymore
is you.
Published 19th May 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 7:37pm
20th May 2013 6:18am
<< post removed >>
21st May 2013 6:20pm
22nd May 2013 1:58am
Alright, I'm gonna be blunt I'm not much for rules when writing, and I doubt you are, while I loved this piece. I have some things that I feel I would like to address, I have nothing against "abrasive" language, I curse probably more than most, However, I don't feel that it served a purpose in this instance, (I understand that it can punctuate or strengthen a feeling) but in this instance it feels wasted and unneeded.
some words "A story is good words in a good order, a poem is the best words in the best order."
that having been said. Please don't stop I like what I've read of yours so far and wish to see more.
some words "A story is good words in a good order, a poem is the best words in the best order."
that having been said. Please don't stop I like what I've read of yours so far and wish to see more.
23rd May 2013 7:59pm
Thank you :) and I kind of see what you mean about the whole cursing thing. The thing is, teenagers tend to swear more than adults and I'm a teenager so a little bit of who I am is in this poem. I'm glad you took the time to critique my poem :)