Humorous or Sorrowful COMPETITION

(HUMOROUS)    
   
Woke up in the morning    
To start my day    
A negative person    
Nothing positive about me except aids;    
My girlfriend cheats on me everyday    
At least I make 10 bucks    
When the retirement home    
Runs a train    
But good news is    
I recently got hired    
By Wendy’s but fired    
After they caught me    
Jerkin it to a commercial    
By Oscar Meyer    
The job was below me though    
Since I used to be a model    
With different assortments;    
My biggest gig    
Was a poster child    
For rape abortions    
People say I’m crazy    
And off my rocker;    
I never stop laughing    
And my best friend    
Is Betty Crocker    
But lately    
She’s been giving me the cold shoulder    
And why is my dick    
Getting smaller    
Every minute I get older;    
It’s about to go from an outty    
to an inney    
And when I play tag    
My imaginary friend    
Won’t even come get me    
I got the sex appeal    
Of a T-Rex    
In a dress;   
And my home    
Is a cardboard duplex