luminous

My lips have held a million unspoken words
and a taste of pain
slithering through my throat
teaching me how to control my breathing.

I have suffered a sunrise that burnt through my eyelids
and surged to my heart like
a runaway train with nowhere to crash,
a gaping hole
.nicotine

i denied the way my hands felt like
dry leaves
how the veins on my neck ached from screaming
and attempting to swallow light
to make myself believe i can be
fluorescent like swimming 
pools and happiness
when all this while
i was nothing but

a forgotten street lamp
on the brink of life,
too bright to look at
but burnt black inside.