Look Under The Surface. Please...?

When I look into mirrors,
Just an average face is seen.
Nothing more.
Less... Maybe.
Icy blue, frigid eyes.
Ready to stare into you.
To see your pain.
To see you like me.
Blonde hair.
It hangs in my eyes.
Hiding my shame.
My insecurities.
My flaws.
My self-consciousness.
Thin lips.
Pressed together.
Always upturned.
Fooling everyone.
Maybe even myself.
Or fooling no one.
What's under the surface?
Under the surface.
In the deepest, darkest pit of my entire being.
My true happiness is there.
Crumpled.
Chained.
Restrained.
Scared to come out.
Depression and bitterness
Surround it.
Engulfing the small caccoon.
Making it disappear.
Controlling my internal being.
Controlling my thoughts.
Everything I do.
Waking up day after day,
Is like daring to walk over shavings of glass.
Slivers of razors.
Broken blades.
One wrong move,
You're hurt.
Badly.
The sad thing is,
You like the pain.
You come back for more.
You love the feeling.
The numbness it brings.
The tears it may hide.
Like a drug.
Coursing through your body.
Pulsating.
Making you crave the detached sensation.
Of being gone.
Of being high.
Of being okay.
Of being happy.
Forgetting everything for a split second.
Only a second...

However, above the surface,
I'm a smiling girl.
A happy girl.
No problems.
No worries.
No cares.
Life flowing through my veins.
No one could ever suspect a thing.

No one will ever suspect a thing.

They think


                                         I'm fine.