the moment when I die

the noose
By BlackVelvetRose



i have fashioned and tied my own noose
fitting it snugly around my neck.
you wonder why and are unable to understand
why i have decided upon this blatant travesty.
i will answer your question with one simple remark:
the darkness has consumed me, became a part of me
leaving me drifting through the turbulent seas of sorrow.

condemned to fade away from this life
from the lies that lay as thick as moss.
i place the rope over the rafter
and close my tear stained eyes.
with one step forward i plummet
spiraling through gray clouds and red mist
it is now that i finally see the way.

something went wrong, the story of my life
i am still alive trapped in my own selfish misery
remaining in repeated agony, dangling, swaying
bleeding, pleading as i am found, please don’t set me free.
feeling them release the rope from my worthless neck
they lower me to the floor refusing me relief.

i question as to why not leave me there
leave me in my agony for all to see?
for all those who hate me
to praise the ending of this worthless life.
for their own mighty tribute of acceptance
as they lay me to rest in my earthly grave.

they place me in a small enclosed room
with no windows, no light can i see.
they think it was insanity
not realizing they created this monster
who lays bound to this bed of burden.
they do not understand the state of the barren mind.

slowly drifting into a catatonic state
left to rot helpless, never to wake.
but soon they will understand
the making of a very grave mistake.
leaving me in this coma
drifting upon an endless sea.

condemned to fade away from this life
from the lies that lay as thick as moss.
dreaming through a dormant sleep that will not last
to their surprise, appalled by what they see
i awake from this hibernation, from this pain
and it is now they will finally see the way.

http://images-p.qvc.com/is/image/pic/co/spirit-of-flight.jpg
In my time of dying, I think of the ones that Loved the most, an of What was, what is, an what I Wish that Should have been, in my Life...

The Manos

Inspired by my mom an Love, who both loved Stevie Nicks


She sits in love, rocking her baby boy, just arrived,

She kisses him and whispers softly to him,

Listen baby, Mmm, momma’s baby boy,

Your not a stranger to me, You come from me,

Born of the spirit and of the heart,

Mijo, Mommy Loves you, with all my heart, Oh Baby,

This is a Real love, and Timeless is the spirit, an bond,

Timeless is a mother’s love, nothing will ever change

I’ll never doubt you, my child, unto an beyond the grave,

Her hands smelled sweet like sugar,

Were warm, and always caring, wiping away any tears,

Making all the pain and worry gone with her kiss,

Her name was the name of God, upon the lip of this child

Mi Madre, held my hand in hers, an wrapped me in her lovin arms,

Like no other mother ever could her child,

And She never grew old in my eyes;

Far too many of the good die young,

Oh, how this boy died of grieving when she did leave,

Mom, Momma… NO GOD,

Dios no, not my Mother, MOM… forgive me please, I changed,

I have changed

The spirit moves where it will, Lord, it lives on an on,

Where it comes and where it goes, one does not always know

And I prayed for her, Lord I called her name out loud,

Oh how She Loved me selflessly,

When I close my eyes, I see her face before me, it comforts me

But the Love between a Mother and her son Surely Lives on and on…


And the baby boy, now a man, married with no child of his own,

Just him and his wife, Loves her endlessly still in purest form,

And glances at a room with no child playin in it,

A Christmas tree with no children decorating it,

A yard with no kids running in it,

And he sings an talks to a Child that is not there,

With Twinkie shaped arms and legs, an chubby little Empanada hands and feet

But only in wish, and memory does he carry on,

They are real enough to him, to love, and imagine in spirit,

Imagine not what is, but what could have been, and what he FEELS should have been,

Cause in his dreams, they are always there,

He picks up his guitar, an sings to them

C  G; D  F  CG

Lisa, Lisa, where are you going, Lisa, Lisa, will you be my friend,

Running skipping hopping jumping, always on the run,

Oh how I love to see my little girl, having so much fun,

Eddie, Eddie, what are you doing, Eddie, Eddie, will you be my friend,

Running, playing, singing, drawing, always on the go,

I Love to see my little Boy, playing all day long      

Lisa and Eddie, spinning around, look at my babies, see what I found,

Lisa, Eddie, wild and Free, Spin me good mornin, an spin me goodnight    


Oh my Child, an my Darlin wife, How this boy Loves you all, endlessly,

After the song, I will look, an see, the Child spirit an my Mom,

They are Slowly dancing away from me now,

They are Livin just in memory and wish now,

No, I will not ever forget them, time casts a spell on me that I’ll remember,

And to my Darlin Wife, Lover an friend, you are the one chosen to grow old with me,

And when our time has come, Hand in hand, we face the rising and setting sun together,

Grown old together, with me, stay and be, two visions of the same dream,

My Lord, you are So pretty to me, and in my eyes you always will be,

I do not know exactly where my life will go,

Before you, I have lived my life in a world of false pleasure an pain, unto love and death,

But it seems that all my life I have waited, for your love to come to me, to face the end together

Waiting for the sound of the voice of the Woman who Loves me, an me her…

For I love you, yes I love you, Oh my soul, how I love you, my Beautiful, beautiful Silver Spring… Unto the Half of my Kingdom

noone knows this fate i know i need the spirits to be around me that keep me good the pure things in my life tired though i want to be greeted by a reaper a forever slave to tne chess players the fallin one and the good one i cannot wait to know this fate i bet its coming back to hell

even when




even when you are there you are always here
even when i have never touched you
i touch you in everything
even when you have forgotten me
i will always  remember you
even when i die
i will have always lived
with you
in these words  

Forgive me for all the sins I've committed Lord
I know I failed you many times, forgive my guilt
I repent before You Lord, You are my Savior
You truly forgive and I know Your will be done
Forgive me for I have sinned

"From Sickness to Death"

Anxiety penetrates my mind
like a tiger tooth through human flesh
whilst a deep depression darkens the shining sun

Rolling off of my sweat soaked sheets
my knees crackling as I stand
stomach curling as I weakly walk on tightened muscles

From a pocket in an old jacket
I grab my gear and a bag full of smack
Sitting at my desk with bones aching
I feel the misfiring of currents in my brain

I load the spoon with powder, soft and fine
then gag and vomit on the floor
Adding water to the spoon
I prepare to practice junkie chemistry

Cooker blackened by hot flame
as the contents boil into one
I draw the darkened liquid
into a fresh rig
My heart begins to race
as my biceps strangled by a belt

The needle pierces my flesh
searching for a vein
I witness a sexual scene
as my blood rushes
into the narrow cylinder
mixing with my lover
I plunge into my waiting vein
warmness rushing up my arm

As the tourniquet’s released
my opiate receptors flood with peace
I tranquilly nod off
with needle dangling from arm
I fade into a fleeting state
All I see is black.

Moment when I die I am already dead I
Stand up but my body is on my death bed
I'm my own ghost I can't touch a soul.
I'm so cold, I go on and kiss the stars,
There's no matter.... Cause my heart
Is no longer beating will I still be here will I
Cross over?
Or will I go to hell?

When I close my eyes
All is gone
I no longer breathe
My heart slowly stops
My lungs exhale one last time
But this is not the end for me
I will move on and I will…..
Raise hell one last time
I will guide those who need it
Love those who I could not
Help those who I didn’t know how to
There is no doubt
I will live once again
My eyes will open
My heart will beat like a chanchega
I can then finally understand it all

A Note from the Afterglow


find me
where the willows weep;
the morning mists thrall
writhing at your feet

hear me
where the moonlight laughs
constellations dance;
emulate the past

meet me
at the cusp of night
where shadows fondle;
smoldering delight

know me
in the smallest place
between the atoms
in your empty space

The Pain in my Last Breath
By H. E. Riddleton
(Hannah E. Reed)

The wilt of the meadow winds through my vision
Like a lost memory at the corner of miser,
The homage of my agony splits in fever,
I burst with a grotesque gaiety,
A chuckle of somber purses my lips.
And like a fairy bell, my giggle knights my youth.
The past performs its play in light of day, no shadows cast,
Just ghost for casting.
His voice serenades me and I kneel down next to the old warren crime scene,
The love scene forgetful of a balcony; Oh my Romeo, unnamed Montague,
You lead me here again.
Our mirages fall together, tumbling in copulation, a lovelorn knot,
A kiss in a momentary forever…
You look up and you see me now,
An old woman of twenty five, the same age as you when you loved me still,
You hold your gaze of mine as I walk towards the tree of our masquerade,
Once shielding our forbidden deed of serpent show,
Tying now our lovelorn knot to the thickest branch,
The perfect box, the suspending seat facing the stage!

I choke and drag my wrists along a tender blade,
You smile, “I’m coming,” I say
Undressed for your sex, naked for thy vultures,
I clad myself in blood of mine, in the whore’s shatter,
In the maiden’s pain!
Pinned to my belly where your babe could have grown,
A note of suicide, a letter of goodbye, a poem of why!
I scream to the heavens, the clouds our minds once wove…
There is no God, you taught me that!
Maybe a unicorn up there,
A one horned demon,
But no God to save me ever,
No love to hold me sane.
Only you, my darling, only
YOU!
“Are you ready?” you ask,
Are you sure?”
“Anything to make you happy.” I rasp as I kick the bucket,
Feet dangling with no platform,
Neck breaking to the slow lullaby.

And upside down I float up and swaying,
A Limbo of reveal to Juliet’s cradle.
A coroner arrives in Hearst and slay,
Gothic suit prepared for grave.
He waits until all is gone
And then pulls me in his arms
And kisses me goodbye.
“Necrophilia,” I scream, reaching for his neck,
But then he looks, feeling my ghoulish haunt
And I see!
Beard is gone, twenties are too,
But the scrutiny of dark eyes remain.
It is you! It is you, my Love!
And then the Void rips me away.

IS THAT ME?

Where am I?

Looking around
At a bare vast land
So gloomy
Such an eerie background

Where am I?

I turn around
Still nothing left to see
I pull out my hands
And look to see
A pale pair of hands

Who am I?

I start walking
Not knowing where to go
No where to go
Only walking
With a blank yet full mind

Where am I?

Still walking
I notice something
I can't tell what it is
I walk in its direction
Slowly, it gets closer

What is this?

Closer and closer
It forms the shape of a body
All slumped as if sleeping
In what looks like a puddle
A big red puddle

What is that?

As I get closer
I begin to see it clearer
I debate to go any further
But I keep walking
Closer and closer

Who is that?

I stand above them
They look so familiar
Like I should know them
But nothing comes to mind
Yet it feels so close

What had happened?

I drop to my knees
Trying to get a closer look
I look down to see
I'm in the puddle of red
I take my hand
And turn them over

Who is that?

Their pale features
Covered in red
Grabbing the hand
It feels so cold
So pale and ice cold

What had happened?

Again I glance at their hands
Then setting them down
To look at their body
All slumped in a pile
With nothing to help

Who is this?

I look at the ground
A knife right next to their hand
And a wound so deep
Deep in the chest
It was fatal no matter who tries to help
 
Who did this?

I realize the hand
So close to the knife
Was this self done
It appears so

Why do this?

I look at the face
So familiar it seems
So quiet and peaceful
When I begin to realize
It comes to me suddenly

Is that me?

Spilled Blood


I should have painted the bathroom walls
The cops will see my rage filled writing
Why'd I use permanent marker?

At least the orange flowers are pretty
but the blood on the floor will need to be washed
when my body is moved and turned to dust

"Mommy."  I hear at the door
Why is it her that finds me?
Couldn't she wait until my heart stopped

and...

Apparently, I didn't cut deep enough
when my eyes are opened
to tears in their eyes

- The Beat (Remains) -

To live
To die
To laugh
To cry

From day to night
From death to light

From summer
To fall
Winter ends all

But neither snow
or wind
or the winter's
bitter sting
can keep Gaia's ring

The life
The spring
The gunshot ring
The knife
The plunge
The drip of Morphine
The breath
The end
The final cut-scene

The beat is strong
The beat remains
as Gaia dances
through the smoke and haze

The bet goes on
Marching in rhythm
The beat remains
And the cycle continues